It's been an exciting election season filled with plenty of mudslinging and smack-talking, and as it comes to a close, feelings of triumph, defeat and apathy fill the air. To help you wade through the election coverage saturation, Street breaks it down simple with the things you need to know about elections.
Rick Santorum
vs. Bob Casey
No race has caused more partisan tensions and animosity for Pennsylvanians and Penn students than the battle between Rick Santorum and Bob Casey. For those who care, that is. But finally. the results are in and Bob Casey, the assman himself, has unseated Rick "the pachyderm" Santorum. Of course, some were disappointed, including the RAIPLAA: Racist-Anti-Immigrant-Pro-Life-Association of America, which could not be reached for comment. But votes speak louder than acronyms; sorry Santy better luck never.
Saddam Hussein vs. Democracy
Take a close look, world, and watch what happens when oppressive, dictatorial leaders aren't elected by their people, but rather elect themselves. They get hanged! By people who LOVE democracy. Case in point: Saddam. Sure, he had all the power way back when, with his weapons of mass destruction and adoring legions of plebeians. But when we get through with him he's gonna be dangling in the wind. It seems it's a bad week to be a tyrant because democracy is the poo - so take a big whiff.
Doogie Howser Vs.
Heterosexuality
In the midst of all these elections, no outcome has resulted in more of an upset than that of child star Neil Patrick Harris electing to come out. Yes, our very own Doogie Howser, M.D., has revealed that he is gay, describing himself as a "very content gay man living [his] life to the fullest." Despite Doogie's bold claims in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle saying he craved "furburgers" and "poontang," he in fact prefers just the opposite. But these are only midterm elections, so we'll just wait and see if his erection election is still going strong in 2008.
