Thanksgiving is just around the corner, so to ensure that you don't celebrate a meal commemorating the destruction of indigenous cultures by uptight European religious zealots alone, here's a photo expos‚ on how to pork your poultry. We know it's a little early, but Shoutouts and Cultural Elite are the next two weeks, so deal.
1. First step, initiating contact. Turkeys are shy but magestical ladies of the sky, so call her up for a classy dinner date.
2. The big night is finally here! Spray your junk with Axe. Classy junk for a classy lady bird.
3. Nothing says romance like martinis and cock sauce. Over dinner, remember to ask her about her. That's all she wants to talk about anyway.
4. Get her giblets rumbling with some mood music and breast tweaking. Remember kids, stuff it before you stick it.
5. When the thermometer pops, you know your turkey is hot. Slide your stuffing into her gravy gord and hump gently.
6. Do you smoke after sex? You do when you make love to a turkey. Hold her close and whisper sweet clucks in her turkey ears. Do turkeys have ears? It doesn't matter now. You just had sex.
