Greg Fitzsimmons
Helium Comedy Club
2031 Sansom St.
Wed-Sat, 8 p.m., Fri-Sat, 10:30 p.m., $17-22
(215) 496-9001
www.heliumcomedy.com
Greg Fitzsimmons has made the rounds on the late-night comedy show circuit, not to mention the requisite sarcastic commentaries on VH1 specials. He's even won an Emmy for his TV writing. Talent aside, you probably know him best as that comedian that flouts the unspoken rule that pasty Irish guys shouldn't have goatees, and trust me, that's reason enough to see him in person.
Sugarcult
Theatre of Living Arts
334 South St.
Thu, 7 p.m., $16-18
(215) 922-1011
www.theateroflivingarts.net
OMG, a cult that worships sugar? As in candy? Sweet! Oh wait . it's that four-member pop punk band that tours relentlessly, was featured on the Warped Tour, and is currently promoting their recently released album, Lights Out? So no pagan rituals involving Fun Dip? Bummer.
Tool
Tweeter Center
1 Harbour Blvd, Camden, NJ
Thu, 8 p.m., $35-55
(856) 365-1300
info.tweeter.com/tweetercenter
Tool may have scared the crap out of you in middle school when your older brother blasted heavy metal so loud that you couldn't hear Dawson's Creek, but you're in college now and it's time to give progressive rock another chance. Don't miss the Philadelphia stop on their promotional world tour for 10,000 Days, their first album since 2001.
Jet
Theatre of Living Arts
334 South St.
Fri, 9 p.m., $20-22
(215) 922-1011
www.theateroflivingarts.net
Remember "Look What You've Done," that ballad you couldn't get out of your head two years ago? It was by Jet, Australia's answer to the Beatles. With a new single out and a new album on the way, these rockers are set to commandeer your brain once again this fall.
Farm Aid
Tweeter Center
1 Harbour Blvd, Camden, NJ
Sat, 2 p.m., $37.50-90.50
(856) 365-1300
http://info.tweeter.com/tweetercenter
Farm Aid began as a benefit concert held in Chicago to raise money for family farmers in the '80s. This year Farm Aid takes place much closer to home, but still promises the traditional set of good country, blues and rock music. Even if you're one of those sick people who hate music, you can't help but agree with their message: family farms-they're the shit.
Regina Spektor
The Electric Factory
421 N. 7th St.
Sat, 8:30 p.m., $20-23
(215) 627-1332
www.electricfactory.com
Regina Spektor is a singer-songwriter-pianist, who hails originally from Moscow. A member of New York's East Village's anti-folk scene, she has been compared to the likes of Fiona Apple, which of course means that she can't help but break hearts wherever she goes. See her concert, but be careful not to make her the apple of your eye.
An Evening with Tania Katan: My One Night Stand Against Cancer
Painted Bride Art Center
230 Vine St.
Thu-Fri, 7 p.m., $12.50-25
(215) 925-9914
www.paintedbride.org
I never thought I'd say this but Tania Katan is able to do what no one can: create a "lesbian-cancer version of Run, Lola, Run." Or at least that's how she describes her award-winning memoir. For those who are intrigued by this concept, the Painted Bride performance draws from the book, telling Katan's painful story of mastectomies and crazed exes with a keen sense of humor.
Royal Drummers of Burundi
Annenberg Center: Zellerbach Theatre
3680 Walnut St.
Sun, 3 p.m., $21-46, $10 Student Rush
(215) 898-3900
www.pennpresents.org
Part of the Annenberg Center's World Discovery Series, the Royal Drummers of Burundi take audience members from the heart of darkness to the boom-chick-a-boom of percussion instruments. Sure, you might not care about rhythmic sounds, but I bet you can't carry a drum on your head.
Shadow of the Silk Road
Penn Museum: Rainey Auditorium
3260 South St.
Wed, 5-6:30 p.m., free
(215) 573-8280
http://humanities.sas.upenn.edu
Colin Thurbon is a man of many talents. A travel writer, novelist and journalist, he's seen the world and is here to tell you about it in the first major event of the 2006-2007 Penn Humanities Forum. His lecture will primarily concern his latest book, Shadow of the Silk Road, which chronicles his 7,000 mile-long journey from China to Turkey, with stops in Afghanistan and Iran along the way. Pretty freakin' awesome.
Treasures of Fairmont Park: An Introductory Overview of the Historic Schuylkill Villas
Philadelphia Museum of Art
26th Street & Benjamin Franklin Parkway
Wed, 2:30 p.m., free with museum admission
(215) 763-8100
www.philamuseum.org
So you think that quality Philadelphia architecture is limited to Penn's campus and Independence Hall? Think again. Fairmont Park (yeah, that park near the PMA), is home to one of the most important groups of 19th century domestic architecture. Come let the park guides dazzle you with their knowledge (and projector slides) as they weave stories of what occurred inside these historic homes.
Whenever Wednesday: Business of Art: Dealers and Collectors
Huntsman Hall
3730 Walnut St.
Wed, 5 p.m., $6, free with PennCard
(215) 898-7108
www.icaphila.org
Worried that your business degree from Wharton alone is worth shit? You're right. Time to trade in that ThinkPad for a palette. This week Wharton teams up with the Institute of Contemporary Art to discuss a soaring art market phenomenon. Dubbed "the world's greatest art businessman" by Art Review, dealer Larry Gagosian claims that artists are starving no more.
X-Men 3: The Last Stand
The Trocadero
1003 Arch St.
Wed, 8 p.m., $3
(215) 922-LIVE
www.thetroc.com
Sharpen your claws for the special DVD release of the X-Men trilogy. While Charles Xavier, the head of X-Men, pops no sweet wheelchair-ollies and Halle Berry is probably still the only reason you'll want to see it, this sequel explores the complex struggle between mutation and humanity that we're all feeling post-midterms.
Alien Invaders
The Academy of Natural Sciences
1900 Benjamin Franklin Parkway
Mon-Sun, 10 a.m. - 4:30 p.m., $8-10
(215) 299-1000
www.acnatsci.org
Dane Cook's number one wish: abduction by UFO. Who would have known that bugs are living his dream? The Academy of Natural Sciences features bugs that are non-indigenous, i.e. alien, to good old Pennsylvania. The exhibit will discuss their ecological and economical baggage, and, if Dane has his way, how to hail a UFO to take you, along with these creepy crawlers, to the planet of your choice.
Villa America:
American Moderns 1900-1950
Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts
Fisher Brooks Gallery
128 N. Broad St.
Tue-Sat, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m., Sun, 11 a.m. - 5 p.m., $5-7
(215) 972-7600
www.pafa.org
America created a lot of its own culture: plastic flamingos, gargantuan portions and apparently, art. The Academy of Fine Arts features more than 80 paintings and sculptures of ber-innovators like Stuart Davis, Georgia O'Keefe, Charles Demuth, and Marsden Hartley, who kept it fresh in the early 20th century.
Master Harold. and the Boys
St. Stephen's Theater
Lantern Theater Company
10th & Ludlow Streets
Until Oct. 8, Thu, 7 p.m., Fri-Sat, 8 p.m., Sun, 2 p.m. & 7 p.m., Wed, 7 p.m., $15-30
(215) 829-9002
www.lanterntheater.org
A compelling bildungsroman set against the powerful backdrop of Apartheid-era South Africa, Athol Fugard's Master Harold continues its run at the Lantern Theater Company's St. Stephen's Theater. The play, which was banned by the South African government, tells the story of the complex relationship that develops between white teenager Hally and his black servant, Sam.
The Pillowman
Wilma Theater
Broad & Spruce Streets
Previews Until Oct 10, Wed-Thu, 7:30 p.m., Fri-Sat, 8 p.m., Sun, 2 p.m., Tue, 6:30 p.m., $35-38
(215) 546-STAGE
www.wilmatheater.org
Martin McDonagh's Tony-winning play The Pillowman begins its run in Philly this month. This wickedly funny Kafkaesque tale revolves around the police interrogation of disturbed writer Katurian. When children in his totalitarian state begin turning up murdered in ways that resemble those in his short stories, Katurian instantly becomes a suspect.
Penn Football vs. Dartmouth Big Green
Franklin Field
233 South 33rd St.
Sat, 1 p.m., $5-25
(215) 898-6151
www.pennathletics.com
Since about 87.4% of all Penn students were not on campus for the Quakers' first home game this past weekend, consider this Ivy League match-up the true home opener. Trek out to historic Franklin Field as 1-1 Penn takes on 0-2 Dartmouth to throw some toast and contemplate exactly what the hell a "Big Green" is.
Monday Night
Football Party:
Eagles vs. Green Bay
The Trocadero
1003 Arch St.
Mon, 8:30 p.m., free
(215) 922-LIVE
www.thetroc.com
Football? On the biggest screen in the city? For free? Yes, Monday Night Football has once again arrived in Philadelphia. Doors open at 7 p.m. and ID is required for those who choose to check out the drink specials and, you know, the football at the Troc.
