Tony Luke's may not be the destination of choice for the cheese steak cognoscenti, but necessity is the mother of invention ... and at 1 a.m. on a Saturday night, after a (few) trips to the Biopond, those bright neon lights beg you to throw elitism to the wind. Tony Luke's got everything you need. Comically over-staffed by comically imperturbable employees and decorated in the 1950s style of some alternate universe, this stoner mecca offers a hearty helping of the surreal with its meaty fare. And then there's the man himself -- if that dude's picture doesn't mesmerize you for hours, you obviously pussed out on that last bong hit.
It wasn't long ago that the we welcomed the Greek Lady ownership on the shores of the Schuylkill with open arms. Every weekend, they extend us the same courtesy -- opening their doors late at night to every Oracle of Delphi stumbling down 40th. Give us your starving masses, they cry. And from the hypnotic rotating lamb spit to their enormous Greek salads, they're well-equipped for the hungriest Penn student. We recommend the gyro: a veritable Dionysian orgy in your mouth. So, if one Friday night, you find yourself atop Mount Olympus, to Greek lady you must go.
Like raindrops to the sea or a baby to its mother's teat, the stoner's night out is inevitably propelled by instinct to Wawa. For not only is Wawa the nocturnal fortress of inebriated indulgences -- its bountiful shelves stocked generously with Combos, Tastycake and Lowrider Magazine -- it is a playground for the blunked and crunked alike. The recently-installed milkshake machine, for instance. With its rocket ship-esque design and dazzling LED light display, an extra-thick chocolate creation is a guaranteed fist-class ticket to outer space. Or the sandwich computer, whose whimsical touch-screen provides a culinary choose-your-own-adventure that always arrives in a more-more-more-meat meatball sandwich.
