Italian national election remains too close to call. Winner will be decided by Florida hanging chad ballots from 2000 election.
Britain confirms case of bird flu in dead swan. Reportedly, the swan contracted its lethal disease just moments before being shot by Dick Cheney.
Star Trek star talks about challenges of coming out. He says the hardest part was explaining random spandex grabs to Leonard Nemoy.
O.A.R. draws sell-out crowd to fling concert. Fans jingle their Tiffany's bracelets to the rhythm of their revolution.
Glee Club grad makes a career of his whistling. In related news, Ben Affleck makes a career of his acting.
New York tries yet more ways to fix schools. But they hold out on investing more than $2.
Gwyneth Paltrow gives birth to second child, Moses. Cool Gwenyth, we get it. Passover, Moses, you like Jews. Why don't you not eat some chametz while you're at it.
Governor of Alaska wants to restore criminal penalties for pot possession. Great. Why don't you just take away the air I breathe, narc.
College Board sued over misscored tests. Public outraged to learn that SATs not completly accurate representation of one's intelligence.
Ban on most caviar extended indefinitely. Fancy catering services start garnishing their cheese plates with racoon eggs.
Fossil found in Africa helps connect human evolution dots. If by "fossil" you mean "Jesus" and by "Africa" you mean "your heart" and by "connect human evolution dots" you mean "stone the gays," then America agrees.
Drug plan's side effect is severe. FDA warns it may produce feelings of elation, uncontrollable fits of laughter and spontaneous increases in appetite for Cool Ranch Doritos.
Youngest of the Pointer Sisters dies at 52. And with her dies my lifelong dream of a Pointer Sister's 4-way. Giggidy giggidy.
Girl arrested for creating a hit list on MySpace. Tom, the creator of MySpace quoted as saying, "We don't need that shit here. Take it to Friendster, bitch."
Paris protests stop classes abroad for Penn students. Students severely disappointed to be abroad in Europe with no school.
