1. "My friend just fell off the quad balcony and I need to cauterize/clean the wound."
2. "This isn't alcohol. It's liquid AIDS. So watch out."
3. "I'm just holding it for some kid ... " Point to the guy wearing a FLING SOBER T-shirt. "Yeah, him."
4. Throw the drink in his face and run -- only to realize the Quad is packed with kids who haven't left their rooms since the first night of NSO and you can't move.
5. "My last name's Riepe."
6. "There's plenty more where this came from." Make a nodding motion back in the direction of your room and smile.
7. Try to bribe him with
PennCash.
8. "I suffer from an abnormally low Blood Alcohol Level."
9. Chug the drink in front of him, smash the Diet Coke can you were hiding it in on your forehead and scream "COLLEGE!!"
10. "Como"
