France braces for nationwide strike over new labor law. Le Monde declares French labor strikes officially least original news headline of 2006.
Penn activist speaker denounces death penalty. With only exception that she would rather die than not let GEICO help her save money on her car insurance.
SUV falls into New York City sinkhole. Car quoted as saying, "take it all bitch."
Penn's new financial aid policy forces families to foot the bill. Families don't mind footing it, as long as they don't have to pay any more money. Oh.
Gutmann dines with Bush at White House. The fellow presidents are relieved to learn they have nothing to talk about.
Mayor offers plan to ease traffic congestion in Staten Island. Bloomberg to sprinkle S.I. Exwy with Nasenex.
Village People "policeman" faces jailtime for possession of cocaine. Avoids incarceration but is sentenced to lifetime of tight pants, communal showers and anal penetration.
