When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see? Is there a beautiful/handsome face staring back at you? Years of perfecting your image has fashioned you the way you are; the way you look at yourself, your self-portrait, one might say.
Here is what I see when I look in the mirror: a name. Not just my name. THE name. The one that all Latinos dream about. I am she who bears the name of that girl from the block. You remember her, she was in that weird movie, The Cell, but she was also the tearjerking Selena. She was with Puffy that fateful evening that everyone kind of vaguely remembers but doesn't really care about. That's right. I'm Jennifer Lopes. The name has haunted me since the beginning of high school. At first it was just a cute nickname that was given to me, the token Mexican in a school full of WASPs that was always the stock piece on unfunny joke day.
My question to the world is: who cares that I have a name "similar" to that of a famous celebrity? How does that add to the quality of my life, other than having to answer the same, "Did you know your name is an awful like ... " question every day for six years? Never have I ever felt closer to a movie character than Michael Bolton of Office Space fame.
My other question: what perks do I get for carrying the burden of the same name as Ms. Maid in Manhattan? Do I get the privilege of marrying a man one-third my size by the initials M.A.(or any man for that matter) and then immediately divorcing him in a grand gesture while simultaneously getting funky with Ja Rule and Murder Inc.?
Don't get me wrong, I love Jennifer Lopez. I own This is Me...Then, and I listen to it. A lot. I own not one, but two J.Lo brand jackets. This is not my issue. My issue is with the rest of the world: please get over it. I'm 20 years old. Chances are I have already figured out that we have the same name. I can't imagine that you sit at home just thinking of new ways to intonate J.Lo, you sick fucks. This is W-ord on the Street? Word on the Street is I don't care what the fuck you think about my name. I just want to be mild-mannered Jennifer Lopes from New Jersey (with a penchant for gangsta rap), and I know all you Jessica Samspsons, Kate Hodgsons and Tom Crews out there got my back.
