Human curling -- Just like actual curling, except instead of that weird iron-on-a-piece-of-rock thing, you use midgets.
Make yellow snow and eat it -- It means eat your own pee! The French oughta be all over this one.
Ski up the mountain -- Like what real skiing looks like to upside down people.
Chuck a kid at a ski-jumper -- Nail the landing or catch a small child flying through the air? The choice is yours.
Fondle a young boy -- Though not entirely relevant to the Winter Olympics, it may ease the pain of a fourth place finish in the "chuck a kid at a ski jumper" event.
Stab someone with a skate -- Kind of like "Ring Around The Rosie" except on ice and possibly fatal.
Run on the ice -- Nothing says "Olympics" quite like "Hey, look at me! I'm running on the ice! Weeeeeeee!"
Cross-lake skiing -- Just like cross-country, except on ice and possibly fatal.
Ice tackling -- Put on your Tanya Harding skirt and go knock the shit out of someone.
Make a snowman -- Hey, it's more exciting than curling. Plus, maybe he'll be inhabited by Michael Keaton.
Pairs luge, doggy style -- You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel and give it to each other from behind on an ice luge.
