Kansas court blocks abortion records access. The censored LPs include: Red Hot Chili Preggers, Wu Tang Coathanger, Blink-182-days-since-my-last-cycle and Destiny's Fetus.
Steelers beat Seahawks, 21-10. PA sighs relief that it didn't blow yet another Super Bowl.
Egyptian ferry carrying 1,400 passengers sinks in Red Sea. Moses, M.I.A., had been delayed at airport security checkpoint.
Vaccine against diarrhea-causing-virus is approved. Alternative to vaccine also emerges: don't eat at College Buffet.
Vet building at Penn nears completion. Local collie develops psychosomatic fleas in anticipation.
Penn puts on production of The Vagina Monologues: Feb 15th and 17th at 8 p.m. in Irvine Auditorium. Penn students attracted by novelty concept of talking genitals.
Bush's $2.77 billion budget plan calls for Medicare cuts. And by cuts, Bush means that lower tax bracket patients will now receive treatments via physical incision. Bush highlights lobotomy as solution to pneumonia.
Fugitive in gay bar attack dies after shootout with Arkansas police. However, those of us who have seen Brokeback Mountain know what really happened.
Senator Clinton urges youth to be more involved. In related news, Monica Lewinsky gives youth blowjob.
Condos sprout up in Harlem. NYC blacks join displaced New Orleans residents, seeking shelter in imaginary leprechaun kingdoms funded by FEMA.
Study says college sexual harassment rates are up. But transsexual penguin warfare has regrettably plateaued.
Penn UA proposal calls for cheaper meal plans. New menu to consist of saltines and ketchup.
Specter says surveillance program violated the law. However, Specter posits as exception: 24-hour Olsen twins-cam.
Diplomats sense that Iran will get the bomb. One official comments: "Iran, building nuclear weapons, they are"
