This week, Osama's Corner is proud to feature a recent entry from the secret diary of the Prince of Planned Assaults himself.
Diary Entry -- Jan. 23, 2006
My Dear Kitty,
How I have missed you so! I'm very sorry that I haven't been able to write to you recently, but I've just been so busy. Praised be Allah, I am tired, so very tired. I've been doing this so long, Kitty, I don't even remember what I'm fighting for. Can't you help me remember?
This living in hiding is starting to get so hard. During the day, we have to remain totally still, not making a noise for hours at a time, in case someone is passing by outside. I can't even look out the window! That's because I live in a cave and there are no windows. Only walls and bat poop. What's it called again? Ghana, guava... guano! Like from Ace Ventura 2, when he licks the bowl and it's made of guano! Oh Kitty, how I wish I could be like Ace Ventura: carefree, passionate about something, following my heart. My heart longs to run free, like a dove soaring above the Gold Suq marketplace on Thumeiry Street in my hometown of Riyadh.
Last night, we had a small birthday party for Fowzi Saad-al-Obeidi. It was just wonderful! Abd al-Rahim al-Nashiri bought him the popular board game Risk -- what a funny man Abd is! And when everyone else had gone back to their crevices in the cave wall, I gave Fowzi my present: a human shoulder. Oh, I wish you could have seen his face, dear Kitty! I have never known such love in all my days.
Kitty! Someone is coming! If I die, I hope that Fowzi will one day find this and know how I have longed for him! My end is near, but my heart will always be with you, Fowzi!
Whew! It was just the Domino's guy. That 5-5-5 deal is unbelievable. Someone has to be losing money on that one, I'm telling you. Well, time to hit the old dusty trail. Until we meet again, my dear friend Kitty.
With Love,
Osama
