Known by its 11 million residents as "el patio de recreo de Fidel" (that's "Fidel's Playground" for those of you unversed in the ways of the Spanish language), Cuba has become the most popular vacation destination since the Rwandan tourism boom of 1987. Thanks to a recent vote by Congress lifting the 44-year Cuban travel ban, the little nation that could has seen a drastic increase in the number of visitors each day, and it's sure to be the hottest spot for spring breakers in '06. But if you're new to the Cuban scene, you need to know where to begin.
Cubans love communism, so in order to get the real, authentic Cuban experience, you've got to check out the Museum of Natural Communism in the heart of Havana. The Museum is home to thousands of communist artifacts, including a Q-tip used by Karl Marx while writing his Communist Manifesto and the bullet that was lodged in "Wacky Vlad" Lenin's neck after an assassination attempt in 1896. "I take my kids to the Museum every year. I want them to understand where their forced ideals come from," explains Museum curator Gabriela Ortiz.
But don't be alarmed! There's more to do in Cuba than just learn. Unlike all other Caribbean countries, Cuba is famous for its beaches. Boasting an astounding 9 million miles of shoreline, lovers of sun and sand are guaranteed to find a beach that fits their particular needs. Whether you like soft, white sand or grainy, orange sand, the Ministry of Coastal Allocation promises that it can find something to fit your needs.
If you're looking to take a day trip, the majestic Sierra Maestra mountain range in southeastern Cuba is the perfect destination. Enjoy hiking through the nation's toughest terrain, and make a stop at the summer home of everyone's second-favorite Cuban: Kim Jong-il. This native Cuban was the first human to receive a successful face transplant, and after truly becoming one with its citizens, immigrated to North Korea in the '70s to spread the word of communism.
Communism not your thing? Why not try bypassing Cuba altogether and hopping a raft to Haiti? Located only 60 miles east of Cuba, Haiti is often referred to as the "rich man's Cuba." Rafts leave all major Cuban ports daily, and within hours you can be sipping on Keystone Light, being fed grapes by an enslaved voodoo worshiper. One of Haiti's biggest attractions is its flourishing technology industry, which "rivals even that of the Dominican Republic" according to a recent Financial Times article.
Though Haiti is home to a variety of enticing attractions, it's not as big as Cuba, and is therefore ultimately inferior. Cuba's rich history and patriotic citizens should be reason enough to take a holiday there, but if not, just think about all the little communist children out there who can't spell and will thus never be able to take part in the bi-annual Fidel Castro Spelling Bee. Just think about them for a change.
