Adolf Hitler: Noted Francophile and rare Chinese antiques collector, this Whartonite and self-proclaimed Leader of the Aryan Race hated on ethnicities old school. Dope.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Can you say Cal-i-forn-ia? This Austro-stupid action star turned leader of LaLaLand sure can. Can be found at Pottruck.
Alexander the Great: Never one for modesty, 'Xandy and his cohorts scoff at Penn's version of "Greek food." Sorry, Lady.
Robert E. Lee: Something tells us that this roughneck good ol' boy wouldn't be seen with the fellas from Kappa Sig. Sweet home, Pennsylvania?
Paul Revere: This white Boston puritan and LGBT treasurer puts the metro in metrosexual. Recently, Paul has taken to riding around campus on his horse shouting "the thugz are coming." So far, the thugz keep coming.
Abraham Lincoln: This lanky newcomer to the basketball team hopes to help Penn win the Ivy title this year. Does he know about the I Heart John Wilkes Boothe, Bitch facebook group?
Sigmund Freud: Where can you find Austria's "it" kid? Why, chillin', tight jeans and Euro-hair always, hanging with the boys of Zetes.
Marie Antoinette: Theta uber-girl and known dessert aficionado, "Queen," as she likes to be called, complains constantly of searing neck pain.
Hilary Clinton: Which state, Hil? Neither Arkansas or NY really wants ya, but at least your husband does. Oh, wait. Well, there's always Wharton Women.
Ghengis Khan: Star QB throws more bombs than an IRA foot soldier.
Pocahontas: Classy and sassy, unaffiliated yet connected, Pocahontas harmonizes with Counterparts and sings Disney songs in her spare time.
