10 An anchor - this would make your bag very heavy. If you ask for candy, and someone gives you an anchor, simply reply that you appreciate the gesture, but you'd rather have a Twix than an anchor because a Twix is small and tastes like childhood while an anchor is large and tastes like barnacles.
9 Jimmy Hoffa - this too would make your bag very heavy. Plus, it's a dead man's body. Unless you feed off of carrion flesh, you're probably better off not eating Jimmy Hoffa's body. Try something a little less humany, like feta cheese or a cantaloupe.
8 A sore loser - Why? Because everyone hates a sore loser.
7 Despair - Despair should be part of Christmas with your family or the Lifetime Network or Madame Bovary. Unless you dress up as Madame Bovary for Halloween (go for it!), finding despair at the bottom of your Halloween bag is only for fatties.
6 Your little sister's hymen - If you find this in your bag, don't panic. Carefully remove any items of candy that haven't yet touched the maidenhead and stick them in your pocket. Then quickly throw the bag in the trash can, as it is likely to be dripping. While this dripping should create a spooky Halloween effect, remember: it's your little sister's cherry in a bag.
6 Dental Floss - Because dental floss would get picked last during gym class. 6Used condoms - Not only are they disgusting, but also they carry disease and baby-making juice. They were probably manufactured in China, which has no bearing on the joke.
5 A previously-used murder weapon - Should you find a previously-used murder weapon in your bag of candy, don't run away and don't dispose of the bag. You are now a prime suspect for murder and need to be careful with this incriminating evidence. Simply wait for some other trick-or-treater to pass by and switch his/her bag with yours. Little kids can't murder anyone ... yet.
4 Your Soul - You can't eat your soul ... yet.
3 Hair - Do not under any circumstance eat this hair. It is not candy. It is just hair.
2 Razor blades - If you eat a razor blade it cuts your throat and causes you to die. The only time you want to imbibe anything sharp is if you are drinking because sharp objects produce little cuts in your throat that allow alcohol to enter your bloodstream more quickly (i.e. Goldschlagger, Steel Reserve Malt liquor). Therefore if you happen to find a razor blade in candy be sure to wash it down with a brew or two. Or else you'll die.
1Center Stage DVD - You're supposed to be eating candy, not throwing it up.
