College: Naked "artist-liberal" Troll
Favorite Sin: Sloth, Gluttony
A Day in the Life: Arise at 3 p.m. Oops, missed class again. Should probably eat something -- food too far away. E-mail T.A. about last-minute death in family -- mmm, is that meat I smell? Eat meat. Smoke weed. Forget just smoked weed. Smoke weed. Poker and booze with the buddies. Watch porno on Xbox. Pretend to read Nietzsche. Mm, meat.
Favorite battery operated device: Electric Toothbrush
Biggest Fear: The future
Five year plan: Eat lots of Skittles
Halloween Costume: Dignity
Wharton: Average Wharton Demon Troll
Favorite Sin: Pride, Greed
A Day in the Life: Wake up. Rename penis ... after large and destructive machine. Yeah, power! Jack off to I-banking brochure. Talk about self and financial prospects. Jack off in front of mirror. Pre-game for study group. Study group: focus on networking. End up rhapsodizing about self. Bedtime! Jack off to photo of self jacking off in mirror.
Favorite battery operated device: Blackberry
Biggest Fear: Taxes
Five year plan: Do it in four years
Halloween Costume: Bill Lumbergh
Engineering: Elf Love Machine Troll
Favorite Sin: Envy
A Day in the Life: Arise at 5:47 a.m. lest tardy for chem lab. Burn stuff -- cool, man. Check out one girl in class. Lookin' good, Mavis. Stare longingly at framed photo of sunshine. Reconstruct molecular model in image of super-hot long distance girlfriend. (She promises to send me her picture next week, I swear.) Self-defense samurai ninja class. Bedtime 11:32 p.m.!
Favorite battery operated device: Ti- 89 Solar Powered Calculator
Biggest Fear: Football players
Five year plan: Get laid
Halloween Costume: Pi
Nursing: Ballerina (Ho) Troll
Favorite Sin: Lust
A Day in the Life: Wake up to Kelly Clarkson radio alarm clock at 5 a.m. Shuffle in ugly orthopaedic shoes to hospital to wipe old people's butts for eight hours. Consume 12-course hospital lunch. Watermelon jello sure hits the spot. Hospital sing-a-long to Disney animated favorites. Come home, call boyfriend in Wharton. Put out. Repent.
Favorite battery operated device: Vibrator
Biggest Fear: Infertility
Five year plan: Birth quintuplets
Halloween Costume: Fire Hoes
