According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control, six out of 10 Americans are either overweight or obese, but have you ever noticed how these same large and in charge Americans are obsessed with Disney's Winnie the Pooh? Next time you're in the airport, WWE Rumble or a bowling alley keep your eyes peeled. They'll be the ones breathing Darth Vader-style behind you with the Tigger t-shirt poking out of their tent-sized acid-washed overalls (all this adds beautifully to their overall lack of body shape). The mullet is optional but the Winnie the Pooh t-shirt, fanny pack, water bottle and feather pens are obligatory.
Now, it's pretty easy to understand why fat people enjoy Winnie the Pooh. He's everything they wish they could be and more (well, actually they're more and he's less). He's cute, cuddly, gregarious and everyone loves him despite his portliness. He sings songs off-key and claims no responsibility for his appetite. Sound like most Americans? Winnie's naivety, hearty appetite and jolly nature powerfully resonate with corpulent Wal-Mart shoppers across the country.
Eeyore is another story. People must have miserable lives if Eeyore makes them happy. Donkeys are dirty, fat and smelly animals that lug tourists up and down the Grand Canyon. Couldn't Christopher Robin at least hook "E" up with some Prozac? And why can't he ever hold onto his tail? Where does it keep going? So not only is "E" smelly and ugly, but he's an idiot too. If I lived in the Hundred-Acre Wood, I would tell Eeyore to take a long walk off a short pier to put us both out of our miseries. However, the t-shirts, sweatshirts, blankets, mugs and stuffed animals dedicated to his image continue to fly off the shelves and into our classrooms, mini-malls and theme parks.
Naturally Piglet is a less popular icon for our gastric-bypass surgery candidates. Who wants to associate themselves with a pig when everyone else does? However, props to Piglet for defying cultural stereotypes. Instead of being a fat, smelly, dirty Pig he's a small, whiny, cowardly pig. As someone who took a freshman seminar in Sociology and has done extensive air travel, I think it's safe to assume my expertise in the area. Therefore I think our grandiose friends, neighbors, and school teachers find comfort in swathing themselves in Triple-XL Pooh gear with the vain hope that people will look past their blubbery exterior and notice that (like Pooh and his pals) they are people to be loved. Or they were so traumatized as a child for being fat that they never developed passed the age of 11.
Sure, they may have to buy two airplane seats, and they can't comfortably sit on roller coasters, but they have feelings just like you and me. In the words of Ali G "Ressspecttt fatties"
