Patio Plastico
Cinemagic
3925 Walnut Street
Thu-Fri, 7 p.m., Sat-Sun, 2 p.m. and 7 p.m., $20
(215) 413-1318
Seriously, what clown decided to shut down Cinemagic? I had my first steps at Cinemagic, my first kiss at Cinemagic and my first encounter with hepatitis at Cinemagic; the place is awesome. Fortunately, this weekend's performances of "Patio Plastico" provide you with a few more opportunities to experience the wonder that is Cinemagic, while also watching one of the Philly Fringe Festivals most-talked about shows. See cool dancing and risk your health: it's really a win-win situation.
BIRD SONG
The Rotunda
4014 Walnut Street
Fri-Sat, 8 p.m., $20
(215) 413-1318
It is a question that has plagued scientists and philosophers for centuries. Almost as important as "Where does human life come from?" and "Why does Andy Dick still have a career?" "Bird Song" sheds light on the age-old question "What would sound look like if it could be seen?" This show visually embodies the more than 100 sources of sound and music used to emulate the song of the Australian Pied Butcher bird. Wow, I don't even know what that sentence means.
22 Forward and gauge
Gross McLeaf Gallery
127 S. 16th St.
Fri, 8 p.m., Sat, 7 p.m. and 9 p.m., $10
(215) 413-1318
There are a lot of things I hate in this world, with my friends and family acting as the recipients of most of that hatred. You may or may not be able to relate to that, but you can't tell me that you don't hate your job. I mean, I hate your job, and I don't even know you. In the "absurd" dance performance "22 Forward and Gauge," 20-somethings like yourselves face ridiculous challenges as they attempt to find "meaningful" jobs. They probably won't find said jobs, but it sure will be entertaining to watch them fail.
PAY UP
The National Dock #2
119 Arch Street
Thu-Fri, 9:30 p.m., Sat, 2 p.m. and 7:30 p.m., $15
(215) 413-1318
One of this biggest hits of the Philly Fringe Festival, "Pay Up" is one of the most unique shows the Festival has ever seen. Its theater is partitioned into eight sections, and eight different skits are continually performed in front of small audiences. Each audience member is given $5 to spend on the $1 skits, but the trick is that there is only enough time to see five skits and seating is limited. People literally compete for seats. Kind of sounds like every lecture class at Penn except way more interesting.
PLANETARY ENZYME
BLUES
The Cathedral, St. Andrew's Chapel
4201 Spruce Street
Thu-Sat, 9 p.m., $20
(215) 413-1318
"There's poop everywhere." Best. Line. Ever ... Or just of this very experimental play about a group of '60s kids living together in Philadelphia. As one might expect, the play delves into drug-use, Vietnam and sexual freedom, but it's unclear what the director is actually trying to say about them. It sounds like a show worth checking out, if for no other reason than that one of the characters is from Penn and another is from Temple, and we all know that that relationship would never exist in real life.
RED-EYE TO HAVRE
DEGRACE
Plays & Players
1714 Delancey Street
Fri, 6 p.m. and 9 p.m., Sat, 3 p.m. and 8:30 p.m., $20
(215) 413-1318
Crazy people are pretty entertaining. I like to watch them on the subway sometimes. If you like crazy people, but hanging out in the subway isn't your thing, Red-Eye to Havre de Grace might be more your taste. The show exposes the ridiculous last days of a burlap-sack-clad Edgar Allen Poe as he traveled the Northeast, passing out on Baltimore boardwalks and acting like your typical loon. Sounds like a winner. Maybe that makes me sick and sort of crazy myself, but I always found myself to be pretty entertaining.
LUNCHLADY DORIS
Gallery Siano
309 Arch Street
Sat, 5 p.m., $10
(215) 413-1318
I used to think that improv was just for the lame girls in my high school who thought they were a lot funnier than they actually were. They would perform at a local coffee house andmake me really sad because they were so bad. However, my spirits have been lifted since learning about LunchLady Doris, a well-known Philly improv group that is described as "smart" and "weird, but in a good way." Sounds cool, as long as it's not "I-just-caught-my-little-brother-masturbating" weird.
THE MEMBER OF THE
WEDDING
People's Light & Theatre
39 Conestoga Rd., Malvern
Through Oct. 23, various times, $27-$46
(610) 647-1900
www.peopleslight.org
Sometimes we myopic Penn city-slickers need to take a step back and realize that not everyone is from New York City, Philadelphia or Los Angeles. And we must (try) not to laugh at them. For those people there is The Member of the Wedding, a play about a small-town Dorothy who wants to get the fuck out of Kansas.
DIABOLIQUE
Mask and Wig Clubhouse
310 S. Quince St.
Through 9/24, various times,
$10-$15
(215) 923-4229
www.exigenttheatre.com
Not to be confused with the pants-dropping Mask and Wig at Penn, Diabolique centers around a Parisian man who killed his wife to go off with his mistress and finds himself haunted by the woman's ghost. Clearly, there must be a moral to this thriller-murder-musical: don't kill your wife for another woman. Just have a threesome instead.
LOOT
Arden Theatre
40 N. 2nd St.
Through Oct. 30, various times, $27-$45
(215) 922-8900
www.ardentheatre.org
Loot hails itself to be the bastard child of Oscar Wilde and Monty Python, the crown jewel of British culture. This immaculate conception is a comedy written by playwright Joe Orton, and entails schemes to swindle money, including ripping open a character's mother's casket to take her remaining cash. Damn dirty English. Don't worry, no crooked teeth were injured in the making of this production.
THE REELBLACK MOTION PICTURE MANIFESTO
Point of Destination Cafe
6460 Greene Street
Thu and Fri, 7:30 p.m., $10
(215) 413-1318
You may not know this, but Philly's most significant contribution to the entertainment world isn't Will Smith. I mean, I loved the Fresh Prince and Carlton and Viv, but seriously, there are bigger things happening here than Will. For instance, award-winning filmmaker Michael Dennis (aka Mike D.) is a Philly-native who recently compiled portions of his early works into The Reelblack Motion Picture Manifesto. Having worked with the likes of Chris Rock and John Legend, this guy is legit and he doesn't make movies like I, Robot.
THE MANHATTAN
SHORT FILM FESTIVAL
International House of Philadelphia
3701 Chestnut Street
Wed., 7 p.m., $7. $5 for students
(215) 895-6536
By the third week of September it's clearly too cold to go outside and brave the elements, so keep close by going to International House's Manhattan Short Film Festival. The typical event has celebs gather in New York to vote on the year's best short films, but now it's not in their contracts anymore, so the tasl has been handed off to the lay people.
CYPRESS HILL
The Electric Factory
421 N. 7th St.
Fri, 8:30 p.m., $10
(215) 627-1331
Don't even think about trying to get crazy with these kids. These Mexican/Cuban/Italian/American rock superstars have been around for quite a while and they have taken over the Latinos and non-Latinos alike -- and not in a Ricky Martin sort of way. After all, don't you know they're loco?
TIM MCGRAW
Trump Taj Mahal
1000 Boardwalk, Atlantic City
Fri, 8 p.m., $40-$85
(609) 449-5150
There is a lot of interesting folklore surrounding ol' Timmy McGraw. He didn't know who his father was until he was almost in his teens, and then he found out he was the famous baseball player Tug McGraw of the Mets and Phillies. The Louisiana country boy is actually half Italian, he used to be a frat boy at Northeast Louisiana University and he's married to hottie Faith Hill. Oh and he's a damn fine singer too.
OUR LADY PEACE
Trocadero
1003 Arch Street
Wed., 6 p.m., $20
(215) 922-LIVE
www.thetroc.com
Our Lady Peace became a commercial success when "Somewhere Out There" infiltrated radio airwaves and tugged at the heartstrings of saps everywhere almost -- not quite, but almost -- as oppressively as Hoobastank did. They subsequently dropped off the face of the earth, but have returned with a new album of pop-grunge tunes. It's shocking, I know, but there is actually music in the universe other than Kanye West.
LOS LONELY BOYS
Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa
One Borgata Way, Atlantic City,
Wed, 9 p.m., $45
1-866-myborgata
Henry, Jojo and Ringo Garza don't seem all that lonely. The three brothers who make up Los Lonely Boys are buddies with Willie Nelson, serve as spokespersons for Pepsi and are rolling in awards. Their mix of Tex-Mex is the max right about now.
PHILADELPHIA CITY SAIL
Great Plaza at Penn's Landing
Columbus Blvd. & Chestnut streets
Through Sept. 25, Fri-Sat, 6:30 p.m., $25
(215) 413-0451
www.citysail.org
A few years ago I went to Alaska, where I foolishly went on an eight-hour whale-watching tour. Man, did my face turn green. I probably threw up once every hour and haven't stepped onto a boat again. But don't let me discourage you. If you're a sailing enthusiast then check out City Sail and cruise around Philly. You might throw up around Camden, but everybody does.
PHILADELPHIA NEIGHBORHOOD TOURS:
PHILADELPHIA'S CIVIL RIGHTS STRUGGLE
Independence Visitor Center
Sixth and Market streets
Sat, 10 a.m., $20-$30
(215) 599-2295
Whether you are a new arrival at Penn and in Philadelphia or you've been hanging 'round these historic streets for years, chances are you have never truly experienced and understood the awesome things that have taken place in Philly, and which make it the rocking city it is today. So get the lowdown on the struggles and triumphs and how we became Illadelphia.
BASIC PRINCIPLES OF
BUDDHISM
Philadelphia Shambhala Meditation Center
2030 Sansom Street
Mon., 7 p.m., $35
(215) 568-6070
www.philashambhala.org
If the Dalai Lama isn't a close friend of yours like he is Secretary of State Cleary's (Wedding Crashers, people!) and can't give you a personalized Buddhism teaching, check out Basic Principles of Buddhism this week. Join the ranks of Richard Gere without getting fat, old and hairy like him. Happy as a tree!
LAWRENCE C. ROSS, JR. BOOK PRESENTATION
Penn Bookstore
3601 Walnut Street
Mon, 7 p.m., free
215-898-7595
Ah Penn, the Greek life is what makes you so hot and what makes me want to take your clothes off year after year. In this installment of celebrating the wonderfully exciting frat scene at Penn, Lawrence C. Ross, Jr. will discuss his exciting autobiography The Divine Nine: The History of African-American Fraternities and Sororities in America. Now many of you may ask "What? there are African-Americans in frats?" Well, the short answer is no. But apparently there's some long answer that this dude wants to give you. If you, like me, get all tingly when the words "Natty Light" are uttered, then this little chat is a must.
SPEAKEASY, POETRY,
PROSE, ANYTHING GOES!
Kelly Writers House
3805 Locust Walk
Wed, 8 p.m., free
(215) 573-WRIT
You love talking. It's fun, it's cathartic, it's entertaining -- to you, at least. But sometimes it's hard to scrounge up enough selfless souls to actually listen to you. Luckily there's a little something called open-mic night. You can talk about anything you want, do whatever you please and everyone there is obligated to listen to you. What a concept!
