Nestled near Liberty Place at 17th and Chestnut sits Philadelphia's newest burger joint. More than your standard Americana Applebee's or Chili's, Hamburger Mary's comes with a big ol' rainbow flag outside along with a cartoon persona that resembles a blonde Monica Lewinsky. To the female and homosexual readers: if you recall your Lisa Frank stationary we know you once owned, the interior of Hamburger Mary's appears to have come alive in three dimensions. The space is a visual explosion of rainbow colors, diner decor and most precious of all, video screens that at least once during my lunch played Soul II Soul's "Back To Life."
The menu is adorned with drawings of the fantastic Mary and filled with giggly innuendos that -- let's face it -- never quite get old. The starters include the standard fare of chicken tenders, fried calamari and the like. To feel an ounce manly as I mouthed along to the Emma Bunton video playing above my head, I opted for the "Macho Nachos" ($6.95), a tasty smorgasbord of chips, pico de gallo, beef, red beans and cheddar.
While the atmosphere is a dose of London camp, the portions are wholly American. Mary's specialty -- her hefty half-pound burgers -- comes in a plethora of options and is available with beef, turkey or a vegan option (average $8). Mary's buns are toasty and from Le Bus. For the adventurous eater, the traditional burger is transformed by grilled pineapple (Hawaiian Burger), chili (Sloppy Mary) or fresh avocado (Avocado Burger).
The cocktail list is quite fun -- just don't mistake it for the kids menu or you'll have to explain to Timmy what a "French 69" or "Don't Shoot Me In The Eye" is. There is even a "Liberty" and "Betsy Ross" concoction, likely for Philadelphia pride or perhaps for terrified uber-Republicans to take solace while a 12th Street Gym bunny measures them up.
Perhaps what's most surprising about Hamburger Mary's is the club-by-night just upstairs. Called "Dragonfly" and run by Mary's owners, the lounge offers an earth-toned room perfectly arranged to stare down the brooding bloke across the way under the pretense of fixating on the Xtina video playing on the screen next to his head. A larger white-box room features a second bar equipped with walls adorned with flashing-light panels -- which made me squeal just a little. Who can argue with a seven day happy hour from 5 p.m. - 7 p.m. complete with free food on Wednesdays?
Putting a credit card in a blue high-heel shoe has never made paying the check more enjoyable or kitschtastic. Mary's is the perfect place for a morning-after lunch or a filling dinner -- friendly staff, comfortable booths, plentiful portions for a fair price. I'll be back for happy hour cocktails to satiate my curiosity as to what Mary's "Screaming Orgasm" is really all about. My only request? More Kylie on the video screens, please.
