And you thought Bennifer was the break-up to end all break-ups.
It may have been a week late, but Hollywood gave celebrity gossipers the best Christmas gift imaginable a couple of weeks ago. The fortified union of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston came crashing down, leaving millions of questions in its wake.
Since their marriage in 2000, Pitt and Aniston's relationship has acted as a beacon, shining light over Hollywood's dark marital horizon. They seemed like a match made in heaven. What could have happened?
To examine this question more closely, Street assembled a panel of three Penn students to analyze the split. Their opinions, thoughts and reactions, for the most part, were surprisingly consistent.
"When someone sent me an IM to tell me the big story," reminisces sophomore Matt Malone, "I had to give myself a moment to recover." While Malone and many others heard the news almost immediately after it was leaked, fellow sophomore Deena Feinstein had no idea until she was asked to join this panel. "They split up? That's amazing, how didn't I hear that until now?" asked Feinstein, befuddled by her own ignorance.
Although subject to their own biases ("Brad's a guy, and guys think with their dicks" vs. "a dude's gotta do what a dude's gotta do"), the panel concluded that the primary reasons for the breakup were twofold: (a) Pitt was too hot for Aniston and (b) Pitt was possibly (well, obviously) cheating on Aniston.
"Jen is definitely very attractive, but Brad is out of her league, at least in looks" elucidated sophomore Jess Purcell. "I mean, there was no way this could have worked." Malone felt these disproportionate looks led to jealousy on Aniston's part. "I think she was just bitter that she wouldn't look as hot in a leather miniskirt as he did in Troy," he explained.
With Pitt being the object of so many affections, our panel knew he was destined to slip up. And, if the rumors are true, Pitt had a bit of a fling with one Angelina Jolie on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. While the females on the panel tended to think that Aniston was better for Pitt than Jolie, Malone strongly disagreed, noting that Jolie is not only more attractive than Jen, but "probably pretty hot in bed" as well.
In the end, while the particulars were disputed, they remained largely trivial. The Pitt-Aniston reign is over in Hollywood.
"I really want them to get back together though," Feinstein concluded. "I'm going to start a facebook group and organize a petition"
