This article appeared in the December 9th joke issue.
Ah, baseball: the days gone by of sneaking under the bleachers to devour plump wieners and fluffy buns, hoping that mom wouldn't find you and scold you for spoiling dinner. Thanks to Dick's Wiener Stand, your obsession with Grade-A franks needn't be a secret much longer, which is fantastic ... for both you and your mom.
Whole-heartedly embracing the eight-inch sausage enjoyed at most of the country's ballparks, Dick's brings one of America's favorite traditions to a charming eatery a few blocks off South Street. Due to the restaurant's rather obscure location (it's shoved forcefully between two tall high rises), girth really isn't an option. In other words, for what he lacks in width, Dick makes up for in length. The bustling kitchen (run by Mr. Richard Johnson himself) resides at the far end of the elongated room, but gets enough action to keep the whole joint excited. Given the odd shape, the shaft of the restaurant itself is devoid of tables, as it primarily serves to facilitate the long lines of mouth-watering patrons. If you are looking to eat in, two circular sitting rooms rest near the base of the shaft -- but get ready, you may be waiting awhile, most costumers opt for seconds, flowing up Dick's to indulge in a set of freshly baked buns.
The hot dogs themselves are the best that any self-respecting wiener eater could ask for. Allowing the meat to rise to a perfect plumpness, Dick exhibits remarkable pride in hoping that his franks satisfy even the pickiest of hot dog munchers. As for the buns, well, let's just say they're the ass-kicker. Baked to perfection, each set is exquisitely symmetrical, allowing only a small crack in which Dick may snuggly insert his chubby wieners. Although the sausages are typically too long to fit inside the buns, the juicy meat still leads to a celebration of the senses any costumer can enjoy. In other words, if loving huge sausage is wrong, then we don't want to be right.
So you're mom never approved. So wieners always raised some eyebrows when slapped down on the dinner table. Get over it and trust us when we say: nothing is better than Dick's frank in a hot set of buns.
