Sex deprived (SD) freshmen in Kings Court/English College House have chartered a new club they plan to call "Tuesday Night Orgy."
According to club founder Clita Banerman, SD affects hundreds of dozens of freshmen, particularly those who live in Kings Court/English College House, which sees few visitors and therefore allows for less possible sexual encounters. "There's no reason for anyone to go without ass for an entire week in college," Banerman said. "TNO will be a great resource for students." The club's mission statement is as follows: "To offer casual sex to students with partners and in venues that may otherwise be unavailable to them."
The focal point of club meetings will be sex, after which light refreshments will be served. Banerman says local companies have expressed interest in forming a partnership with the club, noting that there are several deals in the making for reduced-price condoms in exchange for corporate sponsorship.
Club charter members scoff at the notion that the club should not receive university funding due to its controversial nature. Liam Bortner, a freshman charter member, says the reason he was drawn to the club are the many options for service to the community. An anonymous source said that it is hypocritical for university personnel to speak out against the club when so many faculty members have asked to "chaperone" the meetings.
Though the club is still in the development stages, membership auditions will be held sometime next week under the button outside Van Pelt Library. Banerman urges tryouts to prepare long auditions. "Performance will be evaluated according to several categories, which I am not at liberty to discuss," she said. "We're willing to work with a lot of different styles." Experience is preferred but not necessary.
Bortner is optimistic that club membership will eventually rival the biggest organizations at Penn, and that students will come to regard TNO meetings as a home base for sexual activity. As Banerman says, "This club will fill a special niche here at Penn, and I think students will begin to appreciate it once they realize what a wonderful resource it is"
