Soul Travelin'
SoMa
33 S. 3rd St.
Thur, 9 p.m., free
(215) 873-0222
www.somaclub.com
DJs Brendan Olkus and Joey Blanco spinnin' the tracks. You think that hot little lady with the pink and red dress is looking at you, but you can't be sure. You build up all your courage and strut across the bar. "I wish I was your derivative, so I can be tangent to your curves." Bad move, turns out she's a history major. You go home lonely and you spend the rest of your night doing homework on Maple.
DJ Exel
Denim Lounge
1712 Walnut St.
Sat, 9 p.m., $10
(215) 735-6700
www.denimlounge.com
Every Saturday night, I cruise the streets of mean Philadelphia to look for some sweet loving. Since I feel that the love life of Penn is sort of stagnant, like a watering hole in Africa, I like to stop by the Denim Lounge. The main vibe of the club is a chillax, easy going one with a great turnout of good looking, single people. Now let me just tell you that I'm a shy person -- but luckily, DJ Exel spins mellow mingling music to start off before jumping into a great hip-hop mix by midnight. Good bye Simba the Lion King and hello Condom Kingdom!
DJ Low Budget
The Five Spot
5 S. Bank St.
Sat, 9 p.m., $5
(215) 574-0070
www.thefivespot.com
There used to be an infomercial for this shapeless shirt that you could tie and fold into basically anything from a halter to a tube top. It claimed to be the most diverse piece of clothing you'd ever own. And I think it was. I also think that this shirt is the clothing version of DJ Low Budget and The Five Spot club. DJ Low Budget is cheap and versatile. In addition, what better place to DJ than The Five Spot, a club known for its diverse events, from swing nights to hip hop dance parties. Sounds exciting, right? Right. But not as much as that shirt.
Fresh Saturdays
Lounge OneTwoFive
125 S. 2nd St.
Sat, 11 p.m., Free
(215)351-9026
www.lounge125.com
Saturday is universally the most important day of the week. Looks like Lounge OneTwoFive is looking to capitalize on the built-in success of Saturday with the ambiguously titled "Fresh Saturdays" weekly event. The same place offers "Fly Fridays" and "Temptation Tuesday." So I guess Saturdays aren't that special after all. That doesn't mean you shouldn't shuffle out to Lounge OneTwoFive, where every day of the week is coupled with a hip adjective.
Live Salsa
Rock Lobster Club
221 N. Columbus Ave.
Sun, 10 p.m., free
(215) 627-7625
www.rocklobsterclub.com
There are only a few things that I want to do after eating a five pound lobster. I'm not sure yet if participating in some live salsa dancing is one of them, but I won't knock it until I've tried it. The combination does seem a little unnatural, but no one ever thought U2 and John Kerry would go together, and look how that turned out. [Cue John Kerry on catwalk at Hill Field. "Beautiful Day" is pulsing through the speakers. "Yes," says Kerry to himself. "I am a rock star."]
Sigma Kappa Rock the Dock Benefit for Alzheimer's Research
Cavanaugh's Riverdeck
417 North Columbus Blvd
Fri, 9 p.m. - 2 a.m., $8 on the walk/$10 on the dock
(215) 629-7400
www.cavanaughsriverdeck.com
Battle of the Bands + awesome cause + crazy dance party = rockin' good time. Sigma Kappa's Rock the Dock is this Friday at Cavanaugh's Riverdeck, and all proceeds go to Alzheimer's Research. Come take a look at Penn's future rock stars as they fight for Quaker stardom. After this "battle royale," stay for the DJ and dancing. How often do you get to have a fabulous night out and support a fabulous charity? Consider your dock rocked.
Taboo Thursdays hosted by uv vodka
Suede Lounge
120 Market Street
Wed, 10 p.m. - 2 a.m., free.
(215) 923-5570
www.suedephilly.com
UV Vodka is not a real person. The title, "Hosted by UV Vodka," is club rhetoric, which means: From 10 a.m. to midnight, Suede Lounge serves $5 UV vodka drinks and $3 beers. DJ Christian James will be spinning progressive house, dance classics, old school hip-hop and R&B, all so that young, party-loving people can shake their thangs, while Dr. UV Vodka -- again, not a real person -- pulses through their bloodstreams. Surely, what could be more taboo?
Allan Freelon: Pioneer African-American Impressionist
Woodmere Art Museum
9201 Germantown Ave.
Tue-Sun through Nov. 28, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Tues-Sat, 1-5 Sun, free
(215) 247-0476
www.woodmereartmuseum.org
If you were planning to go to this event to see anything relating to African-American impressionism, you may be sorely disappointed. As it turns out, Allan Freelon is a landscape impressionist, and a darn good one at that. In fact, he was once at the top of the Philadelphia art world. It might also impress you to know that he graduated from a local university, perhaps you've heard of the University of Pennsylvania? As none of us have graduated yet, this can still be considered quite the feat, and should be enough to drag us across town to see this show. Look for cross listings in the Alumni Gazette.
For You: Liliana Porter
The Print Center
1614 Latimer St.
Tue-Sat through Nov. 10, 11 a.m. - 5:30 p.m., free
(215) 735-6090
www.printcenter.org
The most confusing part of this exhibition is the name. Is it for me, or is it for you, Liliana Porter? The exhibition contains two cibachrome works, etchings, lithographs, and video. The artist works within the aesthetics of collage. But from the pictures I've seen of her work, I'm going to be forced to assume that the "you" does not refer to me. Unless "you" is more encompassing than I'd thought. So if you like bizarre lithographs, this surely is for you. Thanks, Liliana. For once I thought you were doing something for me.
Mondo Mangia
Walnut Street Theatre
Independence Studio on 3
825 Walnut Street
Thu-Sat 8 p.m., Sun., 3 p.m., Wed., 6:30 p.m., $20-30
(215) 592-9560
www.1812productions.org
The Godfather and advertisements for The Olive Garden made me want to be Italian. I could never really pinpoint the reasons why-perhaps it was because of the pasta and the "Italian stallions." Now, I think my yearnings are fully articulated in Jilline Ringle's one-woman show, Mondo Mangia. Ringle invites you into the warmth of kitchen, chattering and singing away as if you were visiting for dinner. To close this blurb, I could enter a stereotypical Italian joke or try to phonetically spell out a hackneyed Italian phrase. However, after learning about this play, I've been filled up with so much love that I just don't wanna anymore.
Night and Day
Wilma Theater
265 S. Broad St.
Tues-Sun through Oct. 31, times vary, $30-$48
(215) 546-7824
www.wilmatheater.org
So this play is about a news reporter on a British estate in an African country. The country is about to break out into civil war. Wow, this reminds me of my Penn Reading Project book. God, that thing was terrible. It was so bad that it put me to sleep in the middle of a Camden train station. I woke up without pants or a shirt. However, I hear this play is good. You should go see it.
Performance Poetry Workshop
Painted Bride Art Center
230 Vine Street
Sat, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m., $25
(215) 925-9914
www.paintedbride.org
Give your poetry a workout! In just seven short hours, your poems will bulk up from ten-syllable lines to twelve-syllable lines, all while retaining that gorgeous ABAB rhyme scheme. Got prose? No problem! Learn how to drop two stanzas but still get your emotions across. Act now and we'll throw in our bonus guide entitled "Onomatopoeia for Dummies".
International Puppet Film Shorts
International House
3701 Chestnut Street
Sat, 7 p.m., $5-$6
(215) 387-5125
www.ihousephilly.org
I have always been fascinated with puppets. This obsession probably exists because of my control-freak nature and the immediate release I feel after forcing a figure into motion. Finally I can release this puppet penchant by watching International Puppet Film shorts, which includes short, surreal films (length varies from six minutes to 26 minutes) featuring claymation, traditional and other various forms of puppetry. One of the films is even directed by Tim Burton, pre-Edward Scissorhands. Now, if you happen to see me there in the theaters, please don't bother me. I might be pulling a Pee-Wee Herman in there.
Tango Pasi--n
Kimmel Center for Performing Arts
260 S. Broad St. #901
Sun, 2 p.m., $27-68
(215) 790-5800
www.kimmelcenter.org
I think there is nothing hotter than two lovers lashing out their sexual frustration with bodies close together gyrating and moving to the beat of the Spanish guitar. Except with this show, you get to watch others on-stage getting it on while you shift uncomfortably in your seat wishing it was you. This show is sponsored by Sovereign Bank, proving once again that money, just like tango, is dead sexy.
Tara Young
Comedy Cabaret
11580 Roosevelt Blvd.
Fri, 9:30 p.m., $15
(215) 676-5653
www.comedycabaret.com
One of my roommates was obsessed with Last Comic Standing. I myself could not watch it because I was too scared to watch some poor comedian embarrass himself with a dead joke. It's sort of like me not being able to watch my friends read these listings. Nothing makes my day more than me saying, "Um yo, that was the punch line," and them answering with a serious face, "Yeah, I know." Let us hope this does not happen to Tara Young.
Summersaults and Such
2004 T.J. Maxx Tour of Gymnastics Champions
Wachovia Center
3601 S. Broad St.
Sun, 6 p.m., $18-78
(215) 336-3600
www.usa-gymnastics.org
Gymnastics is only worth watching for the incomparable, sublime Svetlana Khorkina. She's the lanky Russian with a personal vendetta against that whore, Carly Patterson, who stole the gold medal that was rightfully Svetlana's. T.J. Maxx sucks and so does Carly Patterson. You can pay as much as $78 to support two crappy institutions, or you can pay $10 on eBay for a copy of the Russian Playboy in which Svetlana has posed topless. The choice is yours.
Alfie pollitt trio
Ortlieb's Jazzhaus
847 N. 3rd St.
Thur, 8:30 p.m. - 1:30 a.m., free
(215) 922-1035
www.ortliebsjazzhaus.com
Don't have enough money to buy cigarettes? Can't find the time in your busy schedule to light a butt at least twenty times a day? On an atrocious blind date and want to kill yourself? Then check out the Alfie Pollitt Trio at Ortlieb's Jazzhaus, which boasts a lethally smoky atmosphere. And while you're there, you just might be able to catch a glimpse of one of Philadelphia's own jazz bands through the smog.
The Black Keys
Theater of the Living Arts
334 South Street
Tue, 8 p.m., $12, 14 day of show
(215) 922-1011
www.theateroflivingarts.net
Two pale, lanky college dropouts + Akron, Ohio = ? If you're thinking "the next grunge or emo group" completes this equation, you're wrong. The answer is blues. Does this sound weird to you? Yea, I thought so too. But to my surprise, these white bumpkins play their Akron-asses off. And that boy on lead vocal -- that bitch has got at-tee-tude. Awwww fuck, Grandma.
Peter Case
Tin Angel at Serrano
20 S. 2nd St.
Sun, 7 p.m., $12
(215) 928-0770
www.tinangel.com
If you are feeling bad about yourself, don't just sit there and pout. Get up, go out and see Peter Case. He's won a Grammy for singing songs about "losers, loners and drifters." If that doesn't make you feel better, I don't know what will -- except for buying expensive, ugly suede boots and pairing them with a pleated skirt. Or, if you're a guy, turning up your shirt collar should do you just fine.
Dalek
First Unitarian Church
2125 Chestnut St.
Thur, 7:30 p.m., $8
(215) 594-8499
www.r5productions.com
This is not a joke. Hip hop is really going down at a church on Chestnut. Dalek is a progressive, "smart" hip-hop band. They lure you in with their rhymes, hook you with their beats and then they make your party your intellectual-ass off. Oh wait -- this sounds dangerous, like a cult of some sort. Which pill should you take -- the blue or the red. I forget which one does which, but that's not the point. Don't join a cult.
Nu Jazz Festival
Trocadero
1003 Arch St.
Thu, 8 p.m., $35
(215) 922-5483
www.thetroc.com
Jazz, like David Bowie's sexuality, is in a constant state of flux, always changing, evolving, searching for "newness," or rather, "nu-ness". The Roots draw on the aesthetic principles of jazz; their music happens in "real time." It is "improvised." But the marriage of hip-hop and jazz is so natural. Jazz and hip-hop find newness today by mixing, sharing timbres and philosophies with each other. It is in this spirit that the Roots and Common will headline The Nu Jazz Festival at the Troc. As for Bowie, I don't know what "spirit" he's acting upon.
Nick Moss & the FlipTops
Warmdaddy's
4 S. Front St.
Friday, 9 p.m., $10
(215) 627-8400
www.warmdaddys.com
Moss and fliptops -- this sounds like a recipe for disaster. Don't worry though, it's just a Chicago-style blues band. Warmdaddy's (no, that is not my pimp's name) has a wide array of food and drinks. Drinks like the Pleasure Potion (again, nothing to do with pimpin') and Southern Chocolate Banana Escape sound like sure ways to make any band sound good, if you imbibe enough of "em. So swagger down to Warmdaddy's, and let Nick Moss's guitar rock your world. He's not mossy.
Colonel Claypool's Bucket of Bernie Brains
Electric Factory
421 N. 7th St.
Sat, 8:30 p.m., $19.50
(215) 336-2000
www.electricfactory.com
All alliteration freaks, perk up, this is the band for you. Let's just hope the word play ends there and the lyrics aren't like the band name. If they are, it will still be a good show, because Les Claypool, of Primus fame, is the craziest, funkiest mother-truckin' bass player...ever. He slaps harder than a fish on my lap. Yes, a fish on my lap. Chaos will surely ensue and good times will be had by all.
They Might Be Giants
Theater of the Living Arts
334 South St.
Thurs, 9 p.m. $20
(215) 922-1011
www.electricfactory.com
They were rising stars in the '80s, post-punk/indie giants in the '90s, and today, they're something more ambiguous -- the bright red embers of an aging rock n' roll fire. They refuse to burn out. More than rehashing hits, They Might Be Giants are touring in support of yet another album, The Spine, which is being received with relative indifference by the critical musical community. But the band has oft risen and receded in its 20-year lifetime. Indeed, they might be giants again (one day).
Mark Lanegan Band
North Star Bar
2639 Poplar Street
Sat, 9 p.m., $10
(215) 684-0808
www.northstarbar.com
With the release of his new album, Bubblegum, Mark Lanegan is in the midst of his worldwide tour. With influences by Tom Waits and Jim Morrison, his music has an interesting and unique flavor. Luckily, the North Star is a small venue, so you will be up-close-and-personal. Just don't get slapped by a fish. Those bastard fish!
Christian McBride Band
Zellerbach Theater
3680 Walnut St.
Sat, 8 p.m., $24 - $46
(215) 898-3900
www.pennpresents.org
Christian McBride is arguably the most versatile and prolific jazz bass player in the world. Last year he appeared at the Zellerbach with Pat Metheny, and this fall he will perform with his own group, The Christian McBride Band. The young, energetic McBride is sensitive to the broader musical climate, not merely jazz. His band is at once sensitive, hard-hitting and intelligent, like my mom. Thanks, Ma. Tough love works.
