1. Your cell phone goes off in class. You:
a. Wait. This would never happen. You always turn it off before class.
b. Turn it off quickly. Maybe no one noticed?
c. Let the first two stanzas of "P.I.M.P" play before picking up.
2. How many pink shirts do you own?
a. One.
b. A couple -- although two are actually salmon colored.
c. Seven -- always worn with the collar popped.
3. Your favorite place to pick up freshmen girls is:
a. Psych 1 with Shatte.
b. A.B.P. from 4-6 p.m.
c. Hillel.
4. What does Ben Franklin mean to you?
a. A model of discipline and ingenuity.
b. A guy whose autobiography you've been forced to read too many times.
c. A statue next to the Compass that you should never sit on. (Poop. Hehehehe.)
5. That annoying kid who always talks in recitation has his hand up again. You:
a. Don't notice -- how could you when you're asleep?
b. Make a telepathic deal with the T.A.: if she ignores him, you'll actually do the reading for next week.
c. Wait, that's me. And I'm not annoying -- I'm a finance major.
6. You've lost your PennCard again! How are you going to get into the Quad?:
a. Wait until a hottie comes by and ask him/her to sign you in.
b. Screw it and go hang out at Wawa.
c. Don't worry -- you've got friends in high places. Spectaguard Maurice's definitely got your back.
7. You rock out to:
a. Punk.
b. Hip-hop.
c. Classic/80s rock -- AC/DC for life!
8. It's reading days, and you have to read the bulkpack you've been neglecting all semester and write a seven-pager. In Rosengarten you:
a. Do your reading and then try to find an open computer.
b. Spread everything in your backpack across the computer, desk, chair and the floor, and then head over to the soft chairs to read.
c. Bring extra notebooks so you can cover a computer AND a soft chair--then go to Cosi for dinner.
9. Your strategy for that all-nighter involves:
a. Coffee.
b. Red Bull.
c. Adderall.
10. It's Penn's ninth touchdown against Columbia! You:
a. Sing every word to all the fight songs, which you know by heart.
b. Leave -- the game's decided anyway.
c. Harass and boo the cheerleaders when they do flips instead
of 63 push-ups -- lightweights.
11. Spring Fling is:
a. Good friends, good times.
b. The most out of control, debaucherous time
you can't wait for this year.
c. You ... don't remember....
ADD UP YOUR SCORE
1 point for each A.
2 points for each B.
3 points for each C.
Add 1 Bonus Point:
- If you are from NY, NJ or PA.
- If you do the DP crossword every day in class.
- If you have never been West of 42nd Street.
- If you own a North Face jacket.
11-19: GO NITTANY LIONS!
Why do you even go here? No one really knows. You look pretty lost when you walk around. (Huntsman is on the corner of 38th and Walnut).
20-28: SEASON TICKET HOLDER:
You can spell "Pennsylvania." You can name at least three differences between A Chi O and A Chi Ro. You consider yourself a "regular" at Wawa. But you still can't remember the names of the high rises.
29+: THE 'E' IN CHEST-PAINTED 'PENN':
You bleed Red and Blue. No, seriously. That's a serious medical condition, and you should get that checked out. You've been petitioning SPEC to create a "Judith Rodin is my God" cult ... um, club. You've got a shrine to Schiff. You've never missed a Mask and Wig show. You would like to write your senior thesis comparing and contrasting Smokes, Blarney and Copa-Bob's. You feel a close personal connection with Coach Lake. You are in Model U.N. And you would literally starve to death if Greek Lady, Bui's and Hemo's were closed by the Department of Health. Congratulations -- you are a true Penn kid. Celebrate by splurging on a new sweatshirt in the Bookstore -- bursar it, of course.
