I'm not really a political person. Sure, I try to stay informed, but the majority of my world news comes from skimming articles on the Internet and The Daily Show. I'm more into local news shows, i.e. the weather and the Eagles.
But since the presidential election is only months away, I've been trying to pay more attention to the world of policy-makers. Somebody even gave me a Howard Dean hat, which I wear proudly when I want to channel the spirit of a raving lunatic.
Now, Dean's "I Have a Scream" speech didn't seem to be too bad to me. He just got a little overexcited and started recalling his fifth grade Social Studies class: "Now, class, who can name all 50 states... Mr. Dean?"
"Oklahoma, and Texas, and California and Michigan! And North Dakota, and South Dakota and Minnesota! And..."
You get the idea. The best part of Dean's speech was the aftermath -- some funny jokes on late-night TV, hundreds of Howard Dean dance remixes online. Suddenly, though, I had an epiphany: politics is the greatest form of entertainment possible. From local to national, you just can't get a better laugh than from a politico making a statement.
What better comedy is there than Al Franken tackling (speaking of hilarious) Lyndon LaRouche supporters and breaking his glasses in the process? Dean's not the only one with hilarity, though: before he dropped out, Joe Lieberman was slowly creeping up to catch the good doctor in terms of comedy value. ("This is Joementum! This is Liebermania!" This is hilarious!)
And what about John Kerry? Well, Kerry's pretty damn boring, but his face has now been Botoxed into oblivion, making him the male version of Joan Rivers. Kerry, of course, denies the Botox allegations, but Dick Cheney says he's not a cyborg, either.
Speaking of the current presidency, nobody can top George W. Bush in terms of comedic value. Let's go back a few months to Oct. 9, 2003. The President's official proclamation that day: "NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim October 9, 2003, as Leif Erikson Day. I call upon all Americans to observe this day with appropriate ceremonies, activities and programs to honor our rich Nordic-American heritage."
Whoooooo! Give me a Viking hat and call me D-Mac the Red!
Of course, the best of all was a recent campaign stop in Roswell, N.M. at the Nothin' Fancy Caf‚. The press was invited to the President's stop there, and naturally the only thing the president wanted were ribs. The transcript opens with, "Mr. President, how are you?" and his reply is, "I'm hungry and I'm going to order some ribs."
Other choice quotes from the President to the press: "That would be you, Stretch -- what would you like?" "So instead of asking questions, answer mine: are you going to buy some food?" "Ribs? Good. Let's order up some ribs."
The most confusing thing about this, of course, is that the White House released the five-minute transcript of this event. The only logical explanation is, of course, that they realize as well that comedy is important to politics and are furthering the cause along nicely.
Now if you'll excuse me, Stretch, I have to order me up some ribs.
Then, I'm going to Washington, D.C., to take back the White House -- YEEEEARGH!
