Gray Davis, Recalled Governor of California -- The public relations nightmare that came about after the RIAA sued a twelve-year-old girl forced the Industry to refine their suing strategy. Instead of pursuing children across the nation who steal music, the RIAA decided to set an example and punish those in the public eye. Davis, an avid downloader of Chumbawamba and Milli Vanilli albums, fits the bill. Plus, the Recording Industry never passes up the opportunity to kick a man while he's down.
Sean Fanning, Napster Founder -- The RIAA is pretty swamped right now, hence the delay in suing the man who started the music sharing revolution. Fanning has a large collection of music from the likes of the Offspring and Weezer (groups who supported sharing) and Metallica and Dr. Dre (acts who did not support sharing). The Recording Industry did not have Fanning on their radar until they noticed the rebirth of Napster as a pay service, as well as Fanning's awful cameo in The Italian Job. In addition to suing Fanning for the sharing of copyrighted materials, they are also suing him for being a complete sell-out. No word on whether or not Seth Green will face litigation.
Bill Gates -- The most disturbing case of them all. Federal agents found loads of Anal Cunt songs on his computer. Top-secret documents reveal plans that specify even if he couldn't put Internet Explorer on every computer, he would find a way to spread the gospel of songs like "I Snuck a Retard Into a Sperm Bank" and "Your Kid Committed Suicide Because You Suck" to the rest of the world. Hey Bill -- "Dictators Are Cool!"
Dexter Holland -- When this punk rocker figured he couldn't make money off of Napster t-shirts (he got sued), he decided to steal music online to get some new ideas for a hit song ("Give it to me, baby!"). Agents, unaware of his rock star status, discovered that all he had on his computer were songs by The Offspring. They apologized profusely for bothering him and told him if he ever met those sellouts to give them a call.
John Street, Mayor of Philadelphia -- While major Philadelphia news networks slack off on the Mayor's FBI investigation, Street has exclusive details on the true story behind the bugging of City Hall. Mayor Street possessed a large amount of copyrighted materials on his computer, ranging from rap hits like "Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta" by the Geto Boys to alternative rock tunes like "Been Caught Stealing" by Jane's Addiction. The Recording Industry is seeking a large return from Street's deep pockets, but Street himself is already seeing immediate results in the polls as youth approval of his actions skyrocket.
Myles Ulrich -- His father might have brought down Napster, but that didn't stop little Myles from downloading all of his favorite tunes without daddy knowing. In fact, he was so into sharing that he put up the entire Metallica collection. When later cornered by his intimidating father, reports say Myles retorted, "But you keep telling me your band could use a popularity boost!"
Brother Stephen White, West Philadelphia Preacher -- Brother Stephen was not on the Recording Industry's list of sharers until the Philadelphia Police came to them with incriminating media on Brother Stephen's computer. As it turns out, the Penn Campus Preacher was sharing songs from such popular artists as Aaron Carter, Lil Bow Wow and Hilary Duff. Brother Stephen's attorney viciously denied the Hilary Duff downloading charge but offered no comment on the possession of Aaron Carter and Lil Bow Wow material.
