We all know about the librarian who allegedly possessed a full library of lolita files on his computer. And we all remember those assholes who dumped motor oil on a Princeton student. And who isn't aware that Judy rakes in $800,000+ per year?
What you may not be aware of are the scandals happening under the radar, the ones that don't make the headlines but are often profoundly more interesting than anything you'll hear from the associated press. Here, we present to you the lurid tales of a few Penn-affiliated individuals whom we asked the overwhelming question: what's the most scandalous thing you've done/heard at Penn?
Ilana Jerud
Sophomore
Ventnor, N.J. I walked over the compass my first week at Penn and didn't fail my first midterm. I've led a very sheltered life at Penn. Wait, no, that's a lie.
Dave Scheinker
Junior
Congers, N.Y. Some girl protested the opening of a restaurant because she didn't think that its vegetarian menu was extensive enough. And she got other people to make it a group effort. I think that's ridiculous. That says to me that she was brought up in such a sheltered/she-gets-her-way environment that simply because they don't have what she wants she feels that she can protest.
Also, Freshman year we got one of the fire escape gates of Hill open during Fling because they were really tight with security and we were just sneaking cases of beer through the vents into the windows of the first floor right on Walnut.
Mike Goldstein
Freshman
Pittsburgh, Pa. Judith Rodin's ex-stripping career.
Ronnie Shah
Graduated '03
Princeton, N.J. My friends and I stole pizzas from a pizza delivery boy and the next day he saw us and chased us down in his car.
Michael Zeoli
Philadelphia
Full-time employee, part-time student When I used to work in the stacks I would come across elicit material left behind by library-goers. I'd find foot fetish magazines and things of that nature. It was intentionally left there inside a book as a prank so that someone would go to check out a book and when they got to the check-out desk the worker would see a foot fetish magazine slip out.
Ed Paulsson
Concord, Ca.
Freshman A bunch of my friends peed on Ben Franklin.
David Goodwin
Olean, N.Y.
Full-time employee I saw a few people pee on the Ben Franklin bench.
Nikolai Tolstoy
Washington
Senior My two friends were in this class with this professor and would hang out with him and get drinks all the time. The professor would talk about his wife all the time and say things like, "My wife is on vacation." Then he started sending my friends e-mails like "What's your favorite color?" or "Do you want to come over to this party at my house?" But, my dad was my mom's professor so I guess it's not that uncommon. My parents are 20 years apart, so I guess it doesn't seem all that weird to me.
Tejas Parikh
First year med student
York, Pa. This girl from Tridelt slept with a professor.
Chuck Brownsweiger
Philadelphia
Works at Cosi
I had a threesome with two Penn girls, [names omitted], about two weeks ago. They came in to get salads and sandwiches and I said something wise like, "Why don't you toss my salad?" and they said, "If you really think you got it going on we'll meet up with you after work." I didn't think they were going to come but they came and I took them to my house and about four or five hours later I dropped them off back down here and I was like, "OK, that was fun." Man, [names omitted -- again!]. A blonde and a brunette. One's 5-foot-3 about 110 pounds and the other's 5-foot-2, a little heavier, maybe 130 pounds, 140 pounds, she had a little belly and big boobs. Good times, man. Penn girls are the shit.
Andrew Pike
Littleton, Co.
Grad Student I'm living down on Pine now and one day the paddy wagon shows up. The cop asks me, "Do you know the people living next door to you?" I say, "No, why? What's going on?" He says, "Illegal activities." It turns out they were running a brothel. Right next door. Across my wall. And I didn't know about it. One day they were hauling like five mattresses in there and actually my other neighbor lives right behind the brothel and he said the police put up a sign that said, "Warning. Entrance is prohibited. All inhabitants must get out for violating the following city ordinances: 1) Engaging in and promoting acts of prostitution, and 2) Running a massage parlor without a license." And so it was the talk of the neighborhood that the whorehouse next door finally got shut down. But, they actually advertised in the sex ads part of the City Paper, so I guess they had it coming, so to speak.
