Built to Spill / Solace Brothers Trocadero 1003 Arch Street Thu, 7 p.m., $17 (215) 922-LIVE http://www.thetroc.com How does Doug Martsch write those infectious hooks? How does he write lyrics like: "You'll get the chance to take the world apart and figure out how it works/ Don't let me know what you find out." Doug Martsch has established himself as a near-Brian Wilson persona, masterminding six outstanding studio albums, not to mention his side work with the legendary Calvin Johnson in the Halo Benders. As they are easily one of the most influential groups in alternative/indie rock, any serious record collection missing "There's Nothing Wrong with Love," "Perfect From Now On" or "Keep it Like a Secret" needs an urgent update. Go see this band, because they're implausible live. Electrocute / Peaches Trocadero 1003 Arch Street Fri, 8 p.m., $14 (215) 922-LIVE http://www.thetroc.com Oh, how those silly editors at Spin like to push our buttons. After running a scandalous photo-spread of hardcore-punk-funk rapper Peaches, their only response to countless letters detailing utter disgust and spontaneous vomiting was to run more scandalous pictures of Peaches. On her new album "Fatherfucker," Peaches enlists Iggy Pop for a battle between the mom and pop of "I don't give a fuck." Musical collaborations aside, it's hard to get over the fact that the cover art depicts Peaches donning a beard that would make Osama envious. Audio Therapy Club Deco 100 Spring Garden Street Fri, 10 p.m. (215) 923-6001 Warning for the deaf: This isn't for you. But they'll still take your money. It's ironic that the band claims to heal through audio, but can they cure deafness? What a marketing ploy. It takes a lot of audacity to assert that they can cure you with their music. It's like they are Audio Therapy, M.D. The surgeons who leave their utensils in patients' livers and spleens better watch out. There's a new doc on the block, and he's going to set the chart straight. Watch your immune system, fool! Hot Club of Cowtown Theatre of Living Arts 334 South Street Fri, 9 p.m., $27.50 (215) 922-1011 Yeee-haaaa!! Grab your partner and swing them 'round. Then send your redneck ass into the barn and milk some cows. This band probably uses banjos and fiddles, and gee whilikers, that's gnarly. For some post-show fun get your tractor out of the shed, and cruise the streets of Philly like they were cornrows. Yeah, corn! You got to hand it to Cowtown for keeping their hometown pride when it's just so dirty and beefy. Rufio The Trocadero 1003 Arch Street Sat, 7 p.m., $14 (215) 922-6888 http://www.thetroc.com Ah poor Rufio, the tragic lost boy of the bafflingly unnecessary live action sequel to Peter Pan (Hook). Think about it, can anyone think of a more appropriate appellate for a polished up mall-friendly pop-punk emo band? Seriously, emo bands back in the day used to name themselves after historical events or artwork like Torches to Rome, Rites of Spring and Sea of Cortez. Now they're naming themselves after characters in second rate Spielberg movies. Don't go see this band - rent Jaws instead. Burndown Session / Grandfather Ridiculous North Star 2639 W. Poplar Street Sat, 10 p.m., $10, 21+ (215) 684-0808 http://www.northstarbar.com Just to get it out of the way, Grandfather Ridiculous is a great name for a band. I can't even count the number of times I've walked away from a one-on-one chat with my Pappy thinking to myself, "What the hell was he talking about? Did he just try to prove to me that untoasted subs are in fact better than toasted subs? Where are my shoes and why is there a raven on my shoulder?" My feelings for Pappy can best be described in the words of a heavily-tranquilized Will Ferrel: "You're crazy, man. You're crazy. I like you, but you're crazy." Mondo Topless The Balcony at the Troc 1003 Arch Street Sat, 8 p.m., $7 (215) 922-6888 This group of dirty rotten freaks, which list the Stooges and the Kinks as primary influences, is hardly Philadelphia's "one and only garage rock band." I know there's at least one more band. There's pretty much gotta be, right? Maybe one of those fratties has a band. Perhaps not. I guess the only thing better than originality is nudity, and Mondo Topless has got that covered. Nudity rules, clothes drools! An Acoustic Evening With Mary Chapin Carpenter & Friends Keswick Theatre 291 N. Keswick Avenue Sat, 8 p.m., $57-$75 (215) 572-7650 http://www.keswicktheatre.com Let's be honest here, I don't know any Mary Chapin Carpenter songs. Do you? However, my mother has a couple of her albums next to her Phil Collins solo releases, and those aren't too far away from Dad's Yanni collection. It's strange to contrast these newer purchases with my parents' nearly infallible LP collection, which consists of bands like The Beatles, The Byrds and The Beach Boys. All this makes me wonder if, just like my parents, my taste in music and all things awesome in general will degrade over the years. Am I destined to spend my life wearing sweatpants in my reclining chair, covered in potato chip crumbs while I watch the Sci-Fi channel and Renegade reruns? The future is bleak, friends... bleak indeed. String Cheese Incident Tower Theatre 69th and Ludlow Sts. Sat & Sun, 8 p.m., $30 (610)-352-2887 http://www.cc.com/Tower Let's get this straight -- I don't like jam bands. Everything from Dave Matthews, to Widespread Panic, to Phish, and yes, to String Cheese Incident, can kiss my rotund and hairy bottom. If I wanted to get bored out of my mind, I'd try reading for class once in a while. With that out of the way, let me tell you about my own personal string cheese incident, in which my friend Tim and I had a contest to see who could steal the most packages of string cheese from Wawa without getting caught. I did pretty well, managing to escape with 11 packages of cheesy goodness. Tim, however, was caught after package number five, and the unforgiving cashier called the cops. Tim spent the night in prison, and now he's dead. That story always brings a smile to my face. Charlotte Martin / Howie Day / Jump, Little Children Theater of Living Arts 334 South Street Sat & Sun, 9 p.m., $13.00 (215) 922-1011 http://www.theateroflivingarts.net Whenever I hear the name "Jump Little Children," I think of little kids jumping off the side of a cliff like a throng of fuzzy lemmings. After all, that is the effect listening to this North Carolinian band has on people. Yet another crappy "college" band with a principally twelve-year-old female eye-glitter wearing fan base is upon us. While on the topic of crappy pseudo-college music, one must not overlook Howie Day, who is better known by his moniker, "If only I could suck some more, then I really could be John Mayer." Also, fuck you, Howie Day, for covering "Karma Police." Nobody touches Radiohead, unless it's me and my lascivious fingers. The Classifieds / Sinapse / Days of This / Full Court Press The Khyber 56 S. 2nd Street Sun, 9 p.m., $6, 21+ (215) 238-5888 http://www.thekhyber.com So you're looking through the classifieds for a show to go to this Sunday. And what do you come across other than a band called The Classifieds? In a latter season Simpsons Moe voice, you say, "Whaaaaaaaa?" You think to yourself, "It must be some form of grand luck or providence that has brought me to read this page! I will go to this show and I will show my devotion to the band!" It's never too late to become a groupie. All-American Rejects The Electric Factory 421 North 7th Street Mon, 7:00 p.m., $20 (215) 336-2000 http://www.electricfactory.com Man, that is a self depreciative name! However, it doesn't quite capture the character of the group. If they were instead titled "The Terrible Song Writers That Suck," well I believe that'd do justice to them. This is music for kids who don't listen to music. The All-American Rejects are a less funny and less enjoyable version of Reggie and the Full Effect. And yet Reggie is a joke band while these dudes are actually taking themselves seriously. Beware of bands whose lyrics can be replaced with Backstreet Boys', without noticing the difference. The Strokes New Album Listening Party The Khyber 56 S. 2nd Street Mon, 8 p.m., Free, 21+ (215) 238-5888 http://www.thekhyber.com What's better than actually attending a Strokes concert? How about tying your shoes? Or putting coins in a snack machine? What about chewing bubble gum? No doubt, these are all great adventures. What's definitely not better than going to a Strokes concert is listening to their new album at a gathering of Strokes freaks galore. Make sure to wear your Chucks -- not the new ones you soaked in mud for that lived-in look -- but your old ones that stink and have holes, or you are sure to be the outcast of the party. Michelle Branch The Electric Factory 421 North 7th Street Tue, 8:00 p.m., $20 (215) 336-2000 http://www. electricfactory.com Oh Michelle Branch, when will you learn Trix are for kids? Oh wait, that's that cereal rabbit. But wouldn't it be funny if, in Freaky Friday style, the Trix Rabbit and Michelle Branch switched bodies for one day? I can picture them each wrestling with the difficulties of the others life. The Rabbit would experience constantly being in the public eye, and the pressure to write hit singles, while Michelle would confront the issues of bunny discrimination and painful malnutrition. I believe, at the end of the day, each would have a newfound respect for the other's lifestyle. Hopesfall Theatre Of Living Arts 334 South Street Tue, 7:00 p.m., $15 (215) 569-9400 http://www.electricfactory.com Emotive metalcore may currently be the worst genre prevalent in independent music today. Mixing hardcore breakdowns with twinkly emo guitar parts is possibly the most ridiculous pairing since Pepsi Cona. Basically, emotive metalcore is the ska-punk of today; but Hopesfall is able to transcend the prosaic and corny sounds of its genre. Somehow they'll succeed in delivering solid aggressiveness and epic sensitivity in their music, not to mention technical prowess and a high entertainment factor. This is a solid band kids, but just listening to the albums is nothing compared to seeing them live.

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