It's a little past 5 p.m., and Houston Market is starting to fill up with a dinner crowd. Chris, a Penn graduate student, is dressed in a button-down blue collared shirt, baggy jeans and a worn-in Adidas baseball cap. Behind this, though, he hides a part of himself -- Chris is biologically a woman. Regardless of what sex he was born as, being female has never been an option for the 26 year old. "For those kinds of people that I'm more intimate with, I'm just me. I'm Chris, I'm male, and that's it." And while those closest to him know his secret, he still thinks about being able to be more open. "I would be a lot more comfortable just living my life the way I want to live it and to not have all these questions around me... you can't keep switching back and fourth."
For many, Chris included, challenging the boundaries of what is authentically male and female can be tricky. Sex, a person's anatomical identity, often gets confused with concepts of gender -- an emphasis on the social and cultural distinctions between sexes. And considering that much of our understanding is based only upon the two seemingly clear-cut options of male and female, being anything other than that has profound consequences.
"An incredible amount of time, money and anxiety goes into maintaining the norms," says Heather Love, Assistant Professor of English, who teaches classes on sexuality and gender issues. "It's hard to say what's at stake, but the policing of gender has become so natural people tend not even to notice it."
In the early 1990's, the term "transgender" was created as an umbrella term for people who failed to meet the social and/or biological definitions of male and female. "Transgender comes out of an activist context. It is a form of self-identification rather than being imposed from above," says Love. Those who fall under the label include transsexuals (individuals who are preparing to or have already undergone surgery or hormone treatment to alter their born-sex), intersex-people (previously known as hermaphrodites), transvestites (men or women who dress in clothing typically made for another sex), and anyone else whose sexual anatomy or gender expressions are considered non-normative. "Gender identity" refers to one's internal sense of being male or female.
As the creation of this terminology is relatively new, some mystery with its definition still remains. Because the grounds for inclusion are determined by self-nomination, some that qualify as trans may not choose to identify as such. The community has many faces, not all of which feel comfortable being public.
Part of that has to do with the high incidence of violence against trans populations. In the first national survey on transgender violence, conducted in 1997 by the advocacy group Gender PAC, 48 percent of respondents reported being either verbally or physically assaulted.
Aside from these dangers, many other practical matters affect the trans community. "There are constantly issues when people are divided up into boys and girls. Whether it's on a driver's license or in bathrooms, in the legal system or in marriage, if you don't fit into those categories you face real, daily difficulties," says Love. In terms of addressing someone who is transgender, for example, the general rule with pronouns is to ask the person how they wish to be addressed -- but even with a clarification from the individual, one's own self-definition is not always accepted. "There is a sort of policing that happens all the time for trans people who either don't fit clearly or visibly into gender categories."
For the staff at Penn's Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Center, obstacles include raising campus awareness of trans issues. "I think there are a lot of people in our community that think there are no transgender people here," says Bob Schoenberg, The Center's Director. The campus resource center, which added the "T" to its name during the 1998-99 academic year, has worked to address that lack of transgender consciousness since. According to Associate Director Erin Cross, "Gender identity issues affect everybody. We all step out of societally prescribed gender roles and face the consequences head on."
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For Chris, fitting into a normal male gender role was never an issue -- except that he was born a female. Growing up in Texas, and then in Colorado, Chris was an only child, with many friends in the neighborhood. "I guess I did what every guy would do," recalls Chris, "play with transformers and my G.I. Joes. " His parents did not seem to mind, but they did make him wear a dress every once in a while.
Once Chris entered puberty, his friendships began to change. "When I was younger, up until 10 years old, I had a group of friends that were all guys, I never had a single girl friend growing up," he says. "I knew I was different when all the girls started talking about what boys they liked, and I was kind of like, 'I'd rather be the guy than date the guy.'"
By distancing himself, Chris became somewhat of an outcast. "I didn't know where the hell I fit in," he remembers. "So I preferred to keep away." By the time he reached college, Chris gained back some confidence. "I really hit my stride. I knew everyone. I was really crazy. I used to throw phenomenal parties, and helped form my own sorority/fraternity. [My friends and I] called it a Sor-Frat. We filled our bathtubs with ice and we'd have all these beers. We had crazy-ass parties."
Aside from newly rediscovered popularity, Chris thought he had finally come to terms with his identity, and came out as a lesbian. "I don't know, I got to the point where I didn't care anymore. I just accepted college as being an open environment. And I think that it's because I thought I had finally found the answer to all my questions. I was like, 'Oh, I must be a lesbian.' It was nice to finally know and figure out."
And while Chris enjoyed his times as an undergrad ("Every woman I got somehow, in some magical way") he realizes now that identifying as a lesbian may have been a shortcut to the solution. "If it's just the sexuality aspect in the sense of me liking females, the lesbian label was appropriate. I didn't like [being a woman], and therefore that label couldn't apply to me."
Chris now prefers being addressed with male pronouns, shops exclusively in men's clothing stores, and has even continually used men's restrooms. He has chosen to live publicly as a male. "I have more problems going into a women's restroom than a men's restroom," he says. "Even when I had my long hair people would give me crap. In a men's restroom nobody even looks at me, nobody cares, and you know come on, you just go in there and do your business, if anyone looks at you you're like, 'What the fuck? Stop looking at me.'"
Since arriving at Penn this fall for his graduate studies, Chris has been forced to reconsider his own practices in expressing his gender identity. This time of transition has brought with it some challenges. "I'm still officially registered as female, although by overzealousness by the registrar when I changed my name on record to just Chris, the school changed my file to be male." Chris had to meet with a dean in his program to explain the change. "So she pulls up my little screen on her computer, and she goes, 'Wait a second, it says male here.' And I go, 'Yeah, let me tell you about that,'" he says, chuckling.
The dean responded with mixed support. "I don't know if it was her being P.C. or just her being accepting, but she was just like, 'Once you get into our school we want to keep you.'" A few days later though, the dean went back on her advice, and suggested that he switch his records back to female until his reassignment surgery was complete.
Chris has not been able to be as forthright in his disclosure with his peers. "My classmates were kind of divided in that some thought I was male, some thought I was a really butch lesbian, and some thought I was trans and was going through the actual [medical] transition at the time." And while he has confided in two of his classmates, for now he is still deliberating on which gender he will choose to express. "It's difficult being at Penn where I [have started] to go with the female and then walking out the door and calling my friends or going out to dinner and switching back to male."
Along with the practical dilemmas Chris confronts every day, his gender status has made him a bit more cautious in the classroom. "Normally I would have run for a school office or been involved in the school's government," he says. "I contribute a lot less in class because I am very aware of people looking at me... It's a truly vulnerable position to be in."
• Last February, the University Council unanimously voted to add gender identity to Penn's non-discrimination policy. The policy itself, which was first established after the Civil Rights Act of 1964, guarantees students, faculty and staff equal treatment and opportunity under certain categories such as race, sex, sexual orientation and religion.
The decision to incorporate gender identity into the policy was viewed by supporters as a major victory for transgender rights. "I think we all thought it was time to make a statement that the university was supportive," says Becky Donaldson, a 2003 college graduate. Donaldson was one of the students on the LGBT Center's transgender task force who was responsible for first raising the issue to the University Council in December 2001.
According to Dennis Culhane, chairman of the Council's Pluralism Committee, the University's stand on gender identity discrimination is similar to the city of Philadelphia's, as protected under the Fair Ordinances Bill amended last year. "Our policy change is just an affirmative statement in university policy explicitly stating what's in the city's ordinance... Our statement is on the basis of principle."
After the Council's vote on the bylaw, President Rodin stated to those present that it was her intention to see the recommendation become the rule. "There were people who tried to say to her, 'Are you sure you want to do this?'" remembers Schoenberg, who is also a member of the Pluralism Committee. "She said, 'Let's do it and then see what the implications are later. It's the right thing to do.'" And in fact, according to the minutes of the February meeting, after the motion was passed, the Council made an additional recommendation "that a mechanism for working out the implementation details be developed when necessary."
Once the President officially approved the measure, the University's Office of Affirmative Action, which is in charge of enforcing Penn's bylaws on diversity, took on the matter last summer. According to Executive Director Jeanne Arnold, the first step was to update all instances of the non-discrimination policy on Penn publications, brochures and websites. "We here at the affirmative action office are really delighted that Penn has taken this step to expand the inclusiveness of our non-discrimination statement," says Arnold. "We want the people to know they are in fact protected." Despite many of the changes made, an old version of the non-discrimination policy is accessible through Penn's A-Z online directory.
Aside from those efforts, many administrators at the University are starting to explore the implications of transgender inclusion. "The idea that there are members of this community who might be limited in fully being themselves is troubling," says Phil Nichols, Faculty Director of College Houses and Academic Services. Nichols mentions that he and his colleagues have started discussing the matter, but still remain unsure of what role they should play. "Do we need to create a viable space within the system that does not make reference to gender or do we need to make the whole system gender neutral?"
Scott Reikofski, director of the Office of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs, adds, "As far as my office is concerned, it'd be the same as any other student rushing and pledging...Many issues of gender identity and even transgender issues can often be misunderstood or confusing for many, so I think education would be key."
In the areas of Admissions, Performing Arts and Athletics issues of the inclusion of gender identity have the potential to affect the groups as well. Whether it's on application forms (which currently still only have two check boxes for sex and none for gender), arts groups that rely on single-sex membership or sex-segregated teams, the inclusion of transgender individuals may provide a challenge. In the area of athletics, sports sociologist Eric Anderson, author of the upcoming book In the Game: Sport, Homophobia, and the Gay Male Athlete says, "Transgender athletes present a real threat to both the way we do sport, and the way those who control sport think about issues of sex and gender."
But as no official claims of gender identity discrimination have been reported to the Office of Affirmative Action since the policy change, there is still uncertainty as to how a case would be handled. "To see how it's actually implemented, we have to do the wait and see dance. On some levels I think that's an okay place to be, but its something I watch out for," says Cross. Professor Love reiterates a similar concern. "Laws like that do change public consciousness to a certain extent but I don't think it's enough. Again, there's a sort of danger, with people saying, 'Well we've taken care of that,' but its not like passing a law can do all the work. Significant change depends on education and open dialogue."
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There's no waiting around for Chris when it comes to his gender identity. While many transgender individuals choose to never have any medical intervention, Chris feels compelled to go through a full physiological transformation. "If I had a choice I'd probably do all of it this summer, start taking the hormones and everything," he says. And despite Chris' wish to complete his transition, considering exactly when to do so has serious repercussions. "If I transition while I'm at school, I worry that I may alienate myself from some of my peers."
Chris is also anxious about how this change will be viewed by his professors and administrators. "I'm working so hard it's ridiculous, and I want to graduate. There's a concern that I am going to jeopardize something." And while he admits that having gender identity protected under Penn's non-discrimination policy has given him some comfort, his worry still remains. "These are questions that I don't have an answer to. I talk to people about them and they say 'Oh no no, it should be all okay,' but they don't know because it's never been tested."
Chris' name has been changed.
Paul Farber is a volunteer at the LGBT Center.
