Top Gun is the gayest movie ever made. Gayest movie ever. So like the entire movie should be seen as this allegory about one man's struggle with his sexuality. Is Tom gonna fight the flight or shoot the moon? Pay the piper and run with guns or is he gonna French them horns and not run with guns?
Maverick, the unbranded animal, the motherless calf, an independent individual unaffiliated with any grouping or pigeonhole, the boy's conflicted. You've got MAVERICK pitted between ICEMAN and CHARLIE.
ICEMAN is obviously a homo-entendre. No doubt about it. Ice spends the movie flying his jets and running around naked as a panda in a locker room. Iceman and his crew symbolize the gay man.
Representing the hetero-contingent is Kelly McGillis, as Charlotte, aka Charlie. CHARLIE. Could you imagine a more hopeless cause? Don't get me started on the names Viper and Goose.
There's this one scene where Mav goes over to Charlie's house. They get all snuggly, and you know they're about to have the sex. But they don't. He gets on his bike and goes back to base. The boy's base. The homozone. Very next scene: Charlie in the elevator dressed like a man -- aviators, hat, an Iceman-esque jacket.
She figures, "I am totally losing this guy to gay, so I gotta go incognito, infiltrate the base and bring this boy back to the gals. I gotta bring him back from the gay way."
At the end of the movie, the boys are all celebrating after killing the Russians or something. Tom's totally gay now in his fruity fighting fucking force. Iceman finally has Maverick to himself, so he declares to Mav, "Man, you can ride my tail anytime!"
And Maverick's reply?
"No way, man. You can ride my tail anytime!" I guess there's no tops and bottoms in the air force. The end.
Here's my confession. I don't even think I have ever seen Top Gun. Sure, I've watched bits on late night television, but I don't recall ever attentively sitting through Tony Scott's masterwork.
But I did see True Romance, and that movie kicks ass. Tony Scott directing a Quentin Tarantino script? Goose me up and call me Charlie because that shit's cool as Ice.
I cannot wait for Kill Bill; it's like Tarantino turned Fox Force Five into a feature length film... make that two feature length films. Oct. 10, watch your back.
So Tarantino was in this movie called Sleep With Me, and in the movie his character rails off at a party about how Top Gun is so gay. I am such a plagiarist.
But truth be told, I wasn't even listening to the dialogue that closely. I only watched the movie because I heard Parker Posey shows her bubbies.
Parker, you could ride my tail anytime.
