While I may lack the accent and beige hot pants of famed Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, this doesn't mean that I am any less of a scientist. It's just that my fieldwork draws me to a different region of the globe. In West Philadelphia I've discovered the most perfect species to study: the Homus ignarus, more commonly known as the College Freshman.
It began this past weekend when some inebriated and obviously lost Quad-ster asked a compatriot of mine, "Where is Beige Rock?" Apparently, these youngins don't understand that major cities lack such trappings of nature as cougars, mountain lions and LARGE BEIGE BOULDERS. (Either that or the freshmen are just deaf.) In a response indicative of the sort of people I surround myself with, my friend pointed towards 40th and Market and replied, "That way."
In order to further my understanding of subjects, I've needed to do some direct observation. You know, observe their ritual mating dances and what-not. To get into their mindset, I've been channeling my own freshman year experiences and reliving some of the highlights...like that one time when you and me and _____ were at ___ and _____ got SO wasted that she was taking her tank off and making out with ____ on top of the bar... anyway. Also, I've been spending some time in the Quad this semester and I'm not stepping on the compass either because I don't want to fail my midterms. Who knows maybe I'll even show up for the Econ Scream.
But perhaps my most penetrating insights into the Homus ignarus have come during the Sociology class that I'm taking to fulfill my quantitative data analysis requirement. During this course, I suffer at the hands of froshies still enthralled with "intellectual curiosity" who haven't figured out that no one really wants to listen to their "insights." But the best part of the entire class has to be the kid who always sits either next to me or in front of me and always wears baggy Championr shorts and a white T-shirt. In a fit of boredom, I glanced over at his notebook and caught him doodling. His drawing was of "Raphael" from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, you know, the one who fought with the sais.
While I know that old clich‚ about how every year the freshmen look younger, if they're going to be playing with action figures, I thought they would have at least moved on to the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers.
