@Headline 36pt:Scene: The Spectaguard office in the upper Quad Characters: Spectaguard John (Hardick Mcfucksalot), Jenny Goldsteinbergman (Misty Snow), Lucy Chintakisoya (Wan Itonmai-Chin) [Misty comes to the upper quad turnstile at 4 am on Saturday night after having been drinking with some of her girlfriends. She's been man-hating all night with her friends, and finds that she misplaced her PennCard...] Hardick: (looking sexually frustrated from swiping penncards all night, and drunk with passion) Where's your Penncard? Misty: Oh my gosh, I left my Penncard at home...with my bra...and my panties...next to the "I Love Blowjobs" manual. Ooh, it's so late, and I'm so drunk, I just need to... lie down [Misty seems fatigued and looks like she might pass out, but in a sexy way]. [Hardick goes over to help her] Hardick: Here, come in to the booth; I've got something for you to drink. M: But, I...I have a boyfriend, he's in ZBT, and he wants me in bed early tonight. Maybe I should just go home... H: Yes, you should go home. And by home I mean you better come over here and suck on my big Spectradick. M: Ooh, ahh, ooh, ahh (she passes out) [He carries her into the booth] H: Mmm, looking mighty good in them jeans, girl [Upon waking up, confused, Misty feels a sudden impulse of lust] M: They're from Smith Brothers. You should see my butt. [They disrobe each other, sensually. Hardick pulls off his mighty Spectaguard jacket, takes off his shiny Spectaguard badge and his huge Spectaguard dick. Misty, smitten with her repressed urge to inhale dick, throws herself at Hardick and his wang with the fury of a thousand legions.] H: Oooh... M: Ahhh... [Meanwhile, Wan Itonmai-Chin is getting home very late from an Engineering study group when she encounters Brother Steven who is preparing for a day of lunacy and religious fanaticism on Locust Walk.] Brother Steven: [Talking to Wan whilst walking past the quad gates]... so I love God, and well, God is great. I hope this doesn't trump what I said earlier, you know, about God being magnificent. Wan Itonmai-Chin: Yes, I agree, that's why I still wear my Catholic school skirt, to remind myself of God's glory. It's also why I don't use underwear. S: Mmm...so you aren't wearing underwear? W: Nope, God likes my pussy to swing free. S: Well, on that subject, God actually just told me it was ok to fondle your breasts. Lent is coming up, and I'm giving up abstinence. [The lust in their eyes becomes overwhelming, and they run into the closest door of the upper quad...the spectaguard booth. Upon entering, Brother Steven and Wan catch John and Misty making love in the reverse cowgirl position, with John's spectaguard badge nestled between Misty's butt cheeks. Brother Steven, feeling God's greatness engorge with blood, starts twiddling Wan's nipples like radio dials, and Wan, in turn, begins to fiddle with Brother Steven's bible belt trying to get to the meaty sausage that lies underneath.] Brother Steven: Ooh, God is good, God is great, I no longer need to masturbate! Wan Itonmai-Chin: Ohh (panting), must study, calculus...calculus...cunnilingus! Misty Snow: Swipe that Penncard, oh yeah, swipe that Penncard! Spectaguard John: Who's your spectaguard?! Who's your spectaguard?! [Combined money shot. Fade out.]