Dearest freshmen: So, you’ve survived New Student Orientation or you are recuperating after your first run–in with MERT. Now you’re probably coughing your way through classes, fighting the freshman flu, but don’t worry, we’ve all been there. While the sacred first semester of college will teach you to always wear shower shoes, definitely study for your Friday math quizzes, and to never forget to set a timer for your laundry, we’re here to teach you everything else you need to know to navigate life at Penn. Now that your family friendly NSO tours are over, Street’s writers and editors present to you our guide to Penn’s infamous landmarks and the lore behind them, as well as some of our favorite campus events and pastimes.
—Natalia Castillo, Editor–in–Chief
Where: Locust Walk at 37th Street
Established: 1984
"Step on the compass and you will fail your first midterms"—it's a cautionary tale that reemerges each year like clockwork. But then you, a cynical freshman, learn that the myth was started by the brothers of a certain unnamed fraternity adjacent to the compass who enjoyed SABSing a little too much, and started the legend to more easily identify freshman girls … of course, from then stomping on the compass becomes your daily act of defying the college patriarchy. Then one fateful October day you're awarded a shiny 24% on your first econ midterm and you're wishing you listened to those smart fraternity men who tried to warn you. Perhaps the jury's still out on this one, folks? Patriarchy or prophecy?
—Natalia Castillo, Editor–in–Chief
Where: frat houses, cheap bars, quad dorms, in short: anywhere
Established: 2006
The first time you hear of someone being “MERTed” you might mistake it for murdered—at least, this Street writer did. And though the fateful act of getting MERTed is not a literal death sentence, good luck explaining that one to parents. Maybe you’ll luck out and your MERT encounter will be passing out after studying too hard, or like me, a MRSA infection. But for the majority of Penn students, getting MERTed comes with a nasty hangover and the–morning–after anxiety. For nearly two decades, Penn’s Medical Emergency Response Team has been fishing students out of frat houses and dorm rooms and whisking them around to the hospital. Bless their souls—even if they shut down the party afterward.
—Jules Lingenfelter, Features Editor
Where: everywhere and anywhere
Established: unknown
To see or to be seen? That is the question. Walking down the brick–lined path of Locust Walk, you will see students lounging on the chairs outside of Pret a Manger, ARCH, or Van Pelt. SABSing is an art—you duck for cover when you see that ex you swore you never wanted to see again, but you eagerly try to make eye contact with your class crush as you cross paths on Locust for the fifth time in a week. And of course, there's no better exhilarating rush than running into your best friend while SABSing. However, it's our duty to warn you that SABSing is infectious. If you're looking to go incognito, we suggest walking down Spruce or Walnut to avoid the masses.
—Natalia Castillo, Editor–in–Chief
Where: 38th and Locust Walk, between the high rise dorms
Established: 1975
Every time you walk under this statue—Covenant is what it's really called (or so they say …)—it's hard not to get an intrusive thought about climbing up and sliding down its beams. No? Just me? Okay …. It's a puzzling piece of art with an eerie resemblance to a bloody menstrual product, and you won't find a common vernacular rebranding that's been nearly as successful as this one. Although you won't see it much during your first year, you'll get more familiar with it as the years churn on, and you might even feel a smidgen of affection for it when you see a sunset on Locust Walk framed by those clunky red poles. But when it snows in the wintertime, watch out—you might feel an unpleasant glob on your head as the snow starts to melt.
—Diamy Wang, Staff Writer
Where: 37th & Locust Walk
Established: Donated by the Class of 1962 at their 25th reunion
DON'T SIT ON THE BENCH. We promise it's not worth the photo–op. Like all great Ivy League institutions, Penn's iconic landmark–by–day, urinal–by–night just so happens to be the Ben Franklin bench for drunk students stumbling home after a night out. I, a bright–eyed 17–year–old visiting Penn's campus unfortunately fell victim to this terrible photo–op trap (ironically, as I posed with a print issue of The Daily Pennsylvanian), but I suffered so that you can avoid my tragic fate.
—Natalia Castillo, Editor–in–Chief
Where: Outside Van Pelt Library
Established: 1981
Street's satirical sister publication, Under The Button, was aptly named after the Split Button installation in front of Van Pelt Library. If you're a legacy darling whose parents met at Penn, it's possible you were conceived under the button, because depending on what you believe, the button is an alleged site of amorous entanglements. All we can say is, if your lover says "I know a place" and takes you towards the button, perhaps run the other way. Or don't—we won't judge.
—Natalia Castillo, Editor–in–Chief
Where: Penn Park
Established: 1973
Right as April comes to a close, and you're feeling stressed about finals, Spring Fling is there for you to have one last hurrah with your friends. Get ready to pack into Penn Park and scream your head off to an artist whose biggest hit was probably five years ago. If you're not too hungover, the following day boasts a series of much more wholesome activities. Expect to see carnival rides, street food, merch giveaways, and performances from your favorite student groups.
—Anna O'Neill–Dietel, Focus Editor
Where: 210 S 40th St
Established: 1933
It's practically a rite of passage for your shitty fake to get turned down at Smokes', Penn's beloved college bar. When you finally manage to make it into Penn's iconic campus bar, and your beat–up Sambas stick to the beer-covered floor and DJ Halo strikes up a tune, you'll look around and wonder "Am I in heaven?" But no, you're not, you're just drunk on green tea shots. While our publication does not condone excessive drinking, it's a well known fact that Wednesdays at Smokes' are for "Sink or Swim," and all drinks from 10 p.m. to 12 a.m. are $2. Let's just say that we wouldn't blame you for what you do under the influence of a Dirty Shirley.
—Natalia Castillo, Editor–in–Chief
Where: Under Riepe College House
Established: unknown
Did You Know That There Are Tunnels Under Riepe College House? If you care to graffiti your name along the walls and ceilings of Bishop White basement, keep an eye out for the open laundry room–adjacent door. You and your group of newly found friends can cosplay explorers of abandoned buildings or imagine you’re on the set of the next dystopian teen film. Expect to come across spookily placed chairs and to forget the right way back—eek. Now that we are past the beginning of a New Quad Era, who knows if this secret has been lost to the throes of time and sorely needed renovations.
—Katrina Itona, Staff Writer
Where: 3942 Spruce St.
Established: 1982
It's quite surprising how much nostalgia can be provoked by what is possibly the worst piece of pizza in University City. Pro: open late, facilitating post-party gathering. Con: Said post-party gathering always includes your ex, your worst enemy, and the girl from NSO you haven't seen in two years. Pro: Large windows provide an excellent vantage point to observe any unexpected duos walking home from the frat houses. Con: indigestion.
—Maya Grunschlag, Arts Writer
CAPS (now, Student Health and Counseling)
Where: 3624 Market Street, First Floor West
Established: unknown
Some smarmy people are going to tell you CAPS doesn't exist anymore—"It's been renamed to the counseling division of Student Health and Counseling, by the way." But in this Street writer's heart, SHaC just doesn't have the same ring as CAPS does. All the same, a name change isn't going to change the experience you have with it. You could dial them up at any hour of the day or night after a horrible exam, a bad breakup, or fighting with someone you thought was your best friend—and they'd tell you the next available appointment is in three weeks. Once you get there, it's truly the world's most unfair coin toss on whether you like your counselor or not. Even if you do end up liking them, the long walk back to campus somehow demoralizes you all over again.
—Diamy Wang, Staff Writer
While Penn students rightly critique these offerings, there are many campus resources available beyond SHaC that provide significant support to students.
Campus Resources:
The HELP Line: 215-898-HELP: A 24–hour–a–day phone number for members of the Penn community who seek help in navigating Penn's resources for health and wellness.
Counseling and Psychological Services: 215-898-7021 (active 24/7): The counseling center for the University of Pennsylvania.
Student Health Service: 215-746-3535: Student Health Service can provide medical evaluations and treatment to victims/survivors of sexual and relationship violence regardless of whether they make a report or seek additional resources. Both male and female providers can perform examinations, discuss testing and treatment of sexually transmissible infections, provide emergency contraception if necessary, and arrange for referrals and follow up.
Reach–A–Peer Hotline: 215-573-2727 (every day from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m.), A peer hotline to provide peer support, information, and referrals to Penn students.
Penn Violence Prevention: 3535 Market Street, Mezzanine Level (Office Hours: 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. Monday–Friday), 12–5pm Wednesdays & 12–5pm Fridays located in Penn Women’s Center (3643 Locust Walk).
Sexual Trauma Treatment Outreach and Prevention Team: A multidisciplinary team at CAPS dedicated to supporting students who have experienced sexual trauma.
Public Safety Special Services: Trained personnel offer crisis intervention, accompaniment to legal and medical proceedings, options counseling and advocacy, and linkages to other community resources.
Penn Women's Center: 3643 Locust Walk (Office Hours 9:30 a.m. – 5:30 p.m. Monday–Thursday, 9:30 a.m. – 5 p.m. Friday), pwc@pbox.upenn.edu. PWC provides confidential crisis and options counseling.
