The first Fling may have been one of few bright spots in 1973. Richard Nixon was being a tricky dick, the Vietnam War had reached a breaking point at home and abroad and—worst of all—Penn’s fraternity life was in remission (the yearbook blamed the construction of the highrises).

Come on and drag yo'self

It’s going to be the best time of your life: We were freshmen when your father said he could spend the rest of his life with me until death or incarceration do us part. Beneath those Locust lights, I knew he was the one.

Ego's guide to your first (or fourth) fall at Penn.

The art of the SABS is simple in origin, yet complex in execution. Release yourself from the constraints of humility — let your Ego soar. You deserve it, you beautiful person.

We know what Penn tour guides are saying to prospective students. But what aren’t they saying?

Let Ego help you calculate how much your year sucked/sort of sucked with this easy quiz — keep track of your score as you make your way through it.

If you're a Fling virgin, don't stress. Let us help you make the most of your first time. It won't hurt, we promise.