Most Likely to Shatter the Glass Ceiling: Makayla Reynolds
Few people on this campus are as active as Makayla. She’s been class president since the end of her sophomore year, and has worked with Class Board to promote mental health initiatives on campus. As a member of Big Brothers Big Sisters and Community School Student Sponsorships, Makayla mentors and tutors younger students in West Philadelphia. She’s also a kickass public speaker, and wants to spend a year doing service after graduation THEN study law and work in public policy. We can already see the cracks forming in the ceiling.
Sexiest Mofo (male): Michael Pearson
Hailing from London, Michael Pearson, better known as “Beautiful Man,” has the oh–so desired trifecta: engineering degree, piercing green eyes, and a British accent. This mechanical engineer can be found anywhere but Smokes’ on a Thursday night—he’s probably at Copa because he loves a good margarita. In order to maintain his beauty, the Sexiest Mofo keeps his skin perfect by hiding in engineering buildings and maintains his six–pack bod through a nutritional diet of cereal and Eggo waffles. When he’s not MEAMing, you can find him binge–watching Netflix and not playing rugby anymore because his face is too beautiful to mess up.
Sexiest Mofo (female): LoLo Lomax
In just four years, LoLo's managed to involve herself in every single corner of campus and still have the time to snatch the Sexiest Mofo crown. And this Health and Societies major has already sub–matriculated into the Master of Public Health program at Penn, so she'll be around campus to watch the throne for a few more years.
LoLo is involved with almost every group listed in the SAC activities directory: she dances with Strictly Funk, is involved with MedLife and the Minority of Association of Pre–Health Students, volunteers with Big Brothers Big Sisters, and is an accomplished flutist. Whew. She loves children, and hopes to be a pediatrician and work in women’s and children's healthcare development in South America after getting her master's degree. She's loved her time at Penn and the chance to meet people from all sorts of diverse backgrounds and skill sets. And as far as her crowning sexiest attribute, she'd tell you it's her smile and ability to make you laugh.
Most Likely to be on Forbes’ 30 Under 30: Tiffany Kim
If Tiffany Kim ever makes it onto the 30 Under 30 list, we’re honestly not sure if it’ll be for building a crazy successful company, or abandoning it to become a professional surfer on her native LA beaches. Though she's always pining after the West Coast sun of her childhood (seriously, she never stops talking about California) or running off into the woods as Wharton Leadership Ventures' president, Tiffany has become a Wharton superstar during her time at Penn. In the summer of 2015, Tiffany helped an LA entrepreneur start a customer service assistance company after the pair secured a half–million–dollar investment. When sophomore year rolled around, they'd raised $3 million, but Tiffany eventually left the company to focus on school. She's been working her way up in the venture capital world ever since, most recently with a summer job at Pillar, a firm in Boston. Her lips are still sealed about next year's plans, but we're willing to bet this goofy surfer chica will be ruling the West Coast before long. Rumor has it that Goldman calls her "the one that got away".
Campus Sweetheart: Sammy Krouse
Sammy Krouse’s grandma initially thought that he’d won the Sexiest Mofo superlative, but she's proud of him anyway. This Boca Raton English major brings a hint of bright Florida sunshine to every interaction—a pretty impressive feat, considering how many friends and acquaintances he stops to say hello to on a standard stroll down Locust. As a child, Sammy was so friendly that he’d often annoy strangers by trying too hard to engage them in conversation. Now, the rock–climbing Sammy brother (known to some only as “Sammy in Sammy”) can always be counted on for a great conversation and an even better cup of coffee. Our only warning: if you’re hanging out with this easy–going gent, you’d better be prepared for a serious dose of dad jokes.
Most Likely to Quit Their Office Job and Become a Farmer: Geneva Gondak
A lifelong lover of all things outdoors, this Environmental Studies major and National Park Service intern certainly wouldn’t last long in a cubicle. Although her family grows tomatoes, blackberries, and raspberries at their sunny Bay Area home, Geneva’s farming dream would be to grow lots of squashes and gourds. She’s a PennQuest leader, Penn Outdoor Adventure employee, and former Outdoors Club treasurer, so suffice it to say that Geneva has the ideal skill set for an outdoor lifestyle. As for the passion? For Halloween sophomore year, she dressed up as a sustainable farm. We think it was foreshadowing.
Most Likely to Wear Greek Letters After Graduation: Caroline Ohlson
Caroline Ohlson may literally embody “Chi O till I die–o” because this Chi Omega sister and Panhellenic President won’t retire her Greek letters anytime soon. Caroline estimates she’s already passed down 50 or 60 pieces of sorority gear down to her lineage, but a few select favorites will travel with her to Los Angeles after graduation. Unlike most people involved in Greek life at Penn, Caroline has not one, but three Greek outlets to nab merch from. If she isn’t wearing the classic maroon Chi O crewneck, you can expect to see her sporting her black Order of Omega sweatshirt, or maybe the green Panhellenic exec hoodie. In addition to being an active member of Chi Omega, Caroline is also the President of Panhellenic Council and serves on Order of Omega, the Greek leadership society. With so many organizations to choose from, Caroline is a walking Greek alphabet soup of affiliation. Expect to see her wearing a vintage Chi O hat and joggers combo—her favorite pieces of sorority regalia—at the reunion.
Most Changed Since Freshman Year: Olivia Tan
Olivia may have come to Penn as a quiet neuroscience major who won “Most Likely to Succeed” at her high school, but as a senior, the now–Whartonite’s new superlative should probably be “Most likely to be seen at Smokes.’” Freshman Olivia, who stayed in on weekends to study for midterms two weeks in advance, would be shocked to know that senior year Olivia can now be found out just about every day of the week, killing it at Quizzo (her team name is ‘Quiz on Your Face’) on Tuesdays and sipping happy hour margs at Distrito every Wednesday before Sink or Swim. This SDT senior still stays true to that neuroscience work ethic she brought with her to Penn. When she’s not being social, Olivia can be found working in Huntsman 380 while sipping on a mini bottle of Pinot. We like to think her 18–year–old self would be both proud and awed.
Best Dressed: Karis Stephen
Despite her double–major in English and Cinema Studies, this Texas native has time to plan outfits. And it’s downright astonishing that she juggles looking fabulous with sitting on Panhel exec, being in Friars and Osiris, and singing in Counterparts. Oh, and did we mention she’s also in a band? She and her boyfriend Blue Brookhard (C ’17) sing together in a project called “Eleven.”
Karis’ go–to outfit consists of “something high–waisted”—lately she’s been experimenting with culottes. She’s often spotted in a bomber jacket, likely patterned. This fashionista doesn’t dress in the Penn uniform of all–black. You won’t catch Karis strutting down Locust in heels. She’s more of a sneakers girl, proving that fashion doesn’t have to be punishing. Plus, sneakers give her a vehicle for her signature article of clothing, patterned socks: the weirder the better. Her favorite pair is blue with hedgehogs and strawberries.
Her fashion icon? Rihanna, of course. “She does no wrong.”
Most Likely to be on the Cover of Sports Illustrated: Michelle Nwokedi
Michelle never played any sport other than basketball: she started in sixth grade and clearly had a knack for it, as she’s currently one of the standout players on Penn’s Women’s Basketball team. As the 2017 Ivy League Player of the Year, she divides her time between practice, studying Communications, and volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters at Penn. If you haven’t seen her scoring on the court, maybe you’ve seen her walking around campus (at 6’3” she’s easy to spot). Michelle is definitely humble (she didn’t even expect to win this superlative), but we assure you that her life is cooler than yours. When she’s not flying around the world competing in tournaments, she’s busy responding to instagram DMs from Shaq (actually). On her more chill days, you can probably catch her at the gym or watching The Bachelor on Monday nights with the rest of her team. Michelle excels both on and off the court, currently deciding between playing basketball professionally overseas or pursuing a career in ad sales within the sports industry. She wants to use basketball as a way for her to travel the world, so Sports Illustrated better hit her up now before she moves on to even bigger and better things.
Most Likely to Write an Inflammatory Facebook Post: Amanda Silberling
Sure, anyone can post an angry Facebook rant, but Amanda Silberling has turned it into an art form. When’s the last time your righteous anger got you on TV or led to reporters knocking at a frat door? Amanda’s the force behind We Are Watching, the feminist art collective that papered flyers across campus with Oz’s misogynistic email and created shirts that say “The Pussy Grabs Back.” But she also expresses herself in other forms. This summer, she made a documentary for Vice about women in punk. She’s a published poet, a music journalist, and an avid Pokemon player. But maybe the real work of art is her contributions to your Facebook feed.
Most Likely to be in MoMA: Amanda Prager
Amanda’s interest in the film industry began when her New Jersey hometown held a film festival when she was 15. She said to herself, “I’m gonna win it.” And she did. Since then, she’s gone on to found Opia (Penn’s filmmaking club); work in all facets of the entertainment industry, from writing to editing to production; and almost prom–pose to Michelle Obama (until she was thwarted by security). She juggled three jobs in Los Angeles last summer, a city she genuinely believes is a place “where anything can happen.” When she says so, she cites the romance of last year’s La La Land and the way that every moment in the city can feel like an event—even just standing and humming in a bus station. And right now, two of her films are in production in LA. They’ll be released early next year. Keep an eye out for them and the many more works sure to come out of this already–adorned filmmaker.
Most likely to EGOT (female): Meredith Brandt
Meredith isn’t sure if she’ll pursue a career in performing arts post–grad, but she’s already got “professional actor” on her resume. If you pry (Meredith’s pretty humble), you’ll find out that she’s been on billboards, starred in doughnut commercials, and in middle school she commuted from South Jersey to Manhattan every day to act in a show. She was the director of Bloomers this fall (that’s a 16–hour weekly commitment, everybody), is involved with the Theater Arts Council, and a member of Friars, Chi Omega, Kinoki and Osiris Senior Society. In the most recent Bloomers show, Meredith played Amy G. in a “semi-roast” of our president (who sat in the audience and thought it was hilarious, by the way). Oh, and if you’re wondering how to balance work and passion? Last summer Meredith auditioned for a musical about Cher on her lunch break from working at a tech startup. Remember us when you’re famous, Meredith.
Most likely EGOT (male): Kayvon Asemani
It’s a no–brainer that Penn’s most famous rapper is bound for bigger and better things in his musical career. Kayvon Asemani, known by his stage name, Kayvon, is just getting started as a rapper. From frat gigs freshman year to opening for Waka Flocka at Coda this fall, Kayvon’s success has skyrocketed in the past few years. Street has its money on a Grammy in Kayvon’s future not only because of his raw musical talent, but also because of his sharp business instincts. Kayvon’s relentless hustle and drive will set him apart. It’s also a plus that Kayvon is awesome live; his energy is infectious, and he knows how to show a crowd a good time. Plus, who could say no to that killer smile?
Most Likely to be a Penn Professor: Gabe Solomon
Over drinks, Gabe would confess to you that he has an “interesting academic background.” As a Mathematics major and Psychology minor, Gabe has flexed both his quantitative and qualitative muscles during his time at Penn. He’s used this twofold expertise to conduct abnormal psychology research with Professor Ayelet Ruscio about anxiety and depression. “I enjoy learning for the sake of learning,” Gabe announces. He demonstrates his mathematical prowess when he attributes his win to “random chance,” citing that “the laws of probability dictated that someone had to win.” All in all, Gabe welcomes this superlative victory, even though he’s undecided if it’s cool or “kind of dweeby.” Like most good professors, it’s probably a bit of both.
Best Humblebragger: Vadim Ordovsky–Tanaevsky
You’ve definitely heard of Vadim Ordovsky–Tanaevsky , and no, not just because of his “long and weird and Russian” name. You’ve probably seen the work of his production agency, Nexo Productions, which has even filmed videos for Penn. Maybe you’ve been to the Magic Gardens party? That’s the brainchild of this Castle senior. What you might not know about Vadim is that he grew up training as an actor, to which he attributes his penchant for the stage. These days, he does more work behind the camera: he’s got plenty of film credits under his belt, including producing a short film in Cuba. In any case, while this Philosophy and Mechanical Engineering dual major is proud of all the cool shit he’s accomplished, he still makes sure to sit down, be humble.
Best Tastefully Titillating Instagrammer: Helen Nie (catch her at @helenqinie)
If you take one piece of advice from Helen Nie, let it be her Instagram bio: “Well don’t just stand there, do something.” She does things—a lot of things—and she does them well. Instagramming is one of them. Her carefully "curated collection of her experiences” takes the form of 570+ vibrant square photos capturing people and places and inspiration. This Communications major and Graphic Design minor has an eye for the magic touch of photo editing in the native app. Her only advantage is having grown up in the Netherlands, which exposed her to plenty of beautiful places we mortals could only dream of. Let her ‘grams take you places and open your eyes to the wonderful world around you. Check Helen casually chilling atop a boulder in Norway, channelling her inner Aziz Ansari at Storm King Art Center in New York, and chilling on a Croatian beach. There’s even a photo of her trotting down Locust Walk like the rest of us plebeians.
And the best part of her account? None of it's for show. Instagram’s a great way to capture a special moment, so “when you look back you want to actually have real memories.” So for all you aspiring Instagrammers out there, here’s a word (or three) from Helen herself: “Look up more.” You’d be surprised how the world fits neatly into squares.
Most Likely to Order Wine at Smokes': Olivia Fitzpatrick
This Catholic sweetheart confesses that, while she’s no stranger to the blood of Christ, she’s really more of an IPA girl. However, when asked which wine is her favorite, she said “Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio,” rather than just “white,” which suggests she’s actually classy as hell and probably spends more than $7.99 a bottle. An aspiring author, Olivia believes that “a good book should be shot–gunned like a beer” and agrees with F. Scott Fitzgerald’s belief that “too much champagne is just right.” Watch out for her novel in the next few years, and in the meantime find her at Smokes’ sporting her signature look of a turtleneck and glasses and dancing to Kweder’s Bob Dylan covers.
Best House: Treehouse
The seven inhabitants of 4033 Walnut Street have been hard at work this semester rallying their supporters to win this superlative, beginning with a kickoff party back in August. Thankfully, the campaign trail is nothing new to Treehouse—the former president of Penn Dems lives here, and the majority of the house has at least canvassed for a liberal candidate before. The Treehouse group came together in November of freshman year, when three PennQuest buddies gathered four other mutual friends for a lease. Since then, Treehouse has been notoriously difficult to move into (just ask the quarter of the senior class they’ve turned away over the years), but you can almost always find a few of their friends milling around in the second floor living room. If you wanna hang with the six seniors and one second–year masters’ student living there now (Hi, Evan!) at one of their many tree–themed parties, there’s only one thing you need to know: it’s not Alex Kaplan’s birthday.
Closest Freshman Hall: Mono Hall (4th floor E.F. Smith)
Most veterans of Freshman housing will tell you that “hallcest”—the act of hooking up with other members of your hall—is a sin, but this close group of friends says to go for it. Their RA, Jillian, brought them together by encouraging all kinds of hall activities, sometimes going so far as to deliver condoms to their rooms. When one of them succumbed to mononucleosis (but, unfortunately, not monogamy), the “love disease” spread through the hall. Then, a visiting friend contracted it and made out with multiple people at a party, which enabled a few members of the hall to draw a Mono Map.
Most likely to want a superlative: Justin Hopkins
You’d think that Justin has been preparing for this since freshman year, but the Castle senior shrugs and says he has no idea why he was even nominated. This Poli Sci major has devoted his time at Penn to things outside his studies, such as co–founding the Locus Initiative (a pending nonprofit meant to unify people from different backgrounds around giving), or working for the Undergraduate Assembly. When Justin’s not studying in the Law Library, you can find him browsing Spotify for recommendations, singing, or playing the piano—he’s self–taught! He procrastinates by reading basketball news, but when asked if he plays basketball, he laughs and says that he would, if only he was good enough. His friends clearly know that you can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you might get what you need—they can’t make him better at basketball, but they could give him the superlative he didn’t know he needed. Street hopes he makes the most of it.
Cutest Couple: Allie Rubin & Jake Fischer
Where do Allie Rubin and Jake Fischer stack up on the list of chillest Penn couples? These two lovebirds would like to think they’re right at the top. “We’re the best couple to third wheel,” said Jake. “People hang out with us and they feel like they’re hanging out with their friends, rather than third–wheeling a couple.”
With awkward third–wheeling out the window (phew), the only trouble is actually tracking down this crazy busy couple for some quality time. Allie is the current Chair of the Nominations and Elections Committee, a Chi Omega member, Friars member, and saxophonist for the Bloomers band. Jake is a member of Sammy, co–hosts a WQHS radio show (Fridays at 1:00 p.m.!), is on the Insitute of Contemporary Art’s Student Board, and is in Bell Senior society. Also, he DJs. Luckily, they’ve been balancing all of this since January of freshman year, when they officially started dating. After a fateful first semester hangout in the Morris Bodine Lounge in the Quad and a trip to the Mask and Wig Charity Ball together, the groundwork for a budding spring semester relationship was firmly in place. “Within a week of being back from break, we just were like, oh, I guess we’re dating now,” said Allie.
It’s been smooth sailing for them ever since, aided by the fact that they seem to have a shared talent for out–of–the–box gift giving. The list of items they’ve given each other over the past three years includes custom matching socks, a puzzle of their faces, cufflinks featuring the GPS coordinates of where they first met, wrapping paper made of their Snapchats, and a star. Yes, an actual star.
Graduation will take these future consultants to different cities—her to D.C., him to New York—but they’re not too worried about it. And frankly, after this interview, neither is Street.
Cutest Couple That Never Was: Anya Neuhaus and Justin Haber
These would–be lovebirds met freshman year during NSO, where Justin taught Anya how to play beer pong. Since then, she’s surpassed his pong skills (she insists she’s better, but he disagrees), and they’ve expanded their friendship from beyond just the sticky floors of a pong room. Justin describes their friendship as “almost entirely based on beer pong, Disney movies, and tagging each other in multiple dog videos a day on Instagram.” Anya’s favorite thing about Justin is his wide variety of snacks—”half the time it’s his mom’s Jewish cooking, which is nice. The brisket? Excellent.” Haber, however, is more inclined to favor Anya’s wardrobe—but that might just be because it’s mostly made up of his clothing.
And, of course, they enjoy a good meal together. “Oh, and we eat a ton of Jimmy John’s,” says Justin, “naturally.”
Most Likely to Match You On Three Different Dating Apps: Cameron Dennis
Cam Dennis goes by many names: Joseph (his real first name, don’t let his LinkedIn stump ya), That Guy Who Always Loses His Phone, frat bro, chemical engineer, soccer fan, Twitter obsessive, one–time blonde. He might be the owner of the cutest dog at Penn (be sure to seek out Duke, the adorably smushable black lab who scurries around the Fiji houses). It’s not surprising that he’s one of the most well–known figures on campus; walk with him down Locust, and he’ll say hi (and/or the word “swag”) to a solid third of the senior class. But he’s also got game. Just message him on Tinder.
Best Exes: Chicken Over Rice and $5
Beyoncé and Jay–Z. Biden and Obama. Chicken over rice and $5. There are some couples that are just meant to last forever. The sudden conscious uncoupling of chicken over rice and $5 shook the Penn community and the remnants of our belief in love. While the student body was unable to hide their distress, chicken over rice and $5 handled the break up with grace. Tasteful, unadorned signs silently announced the split, uniform across food carts. Their joint statement offered an unthinkable explanation for their split: finances. Once seemingly untouched by materialistic Penn culture, chicken over rice fell victim to the ways of Joseph Wharton. We expect the Econ majors to sellout. We just weren't prepared for this from you, chicken over rice. At least Lyn's is still here for us. Please Lyn, never change. Our hearts and wallets can't handle another price hike.
Photo by: Jason Lam// (CC 2.0)
