Most Likely to Have Been Voted "Most Likely to Succeed": Jane Meyer
Turns out Jane was actually voted "Most Likely to be the Next Bill Gates" and "Most Likely to be the President of the United States" in high school…so we weren't too far off. When Jane isn't leading the student body as President of the Undergraduate Assembly, she's interning for the White House while simultaneously preparing it for the next administration…. #ReadyforHillary? Try #ReadyForJane!
Most Likely to Post an Inflammatory Facebook Status: Rod Cook
Rod is a master of throwing #shade where #shade is due. Whether advocating trans rights, bringing down the patriarchy or speaking out on pressing social problems, Rod is there to school you like it’s their job. Insightful and often funny, they say the things you wish you had the guts to tell your mildly creepy uncle who brings up politics at Thanksgiving dinner.
Most Likely to Want a Superlative: Gabby Abramowitz
Well, she did it. She's been campaigning for this honor since freshman year: All of those days she was late to class because she HAD to stop and catch up with every person she ever met during NSO, all of those clever re–creations of her Dad's old fling and Hey Day photos that got her 600+ likes…. It was all building up to something. She had a superlative in her sights and now, by God, she's done it! Congratulations, Gabby!
Best Dressed: Ali Miller
There are those whose wardrobes you will always admire from afar—those who treat Locust Walk more like a runway than a road. These rare, inhuman few always look put together, no matter how late they were up the night before. Ali is one of those people—the girl always looks flawless. Whether she’s rocking her over–the–knee boots or sunglasses from a brand you wish you knew, this fashionista is always on trend and never fails to dress to impress.
Most Likely to Be the Next Zuckerberg: Matt Schulman
The closest Matt came to meeting Mark Zuckerberg was this past summer when the social network god emailed the M&T senior after he was hit by a car while biking to his internship at Facebook. With his job at the company set to start in 2017, Matt is looking to set off with a backpack and laptop after graduation to travel the world. He’ll code whenever he needs the money to fund his mountain climbing adventures in the Himalayas or Jeep trips around Australia. Until then, he’s flexing his entrepreneurial muscles with Timeturn, his enterprise scheduling app.
Most Likely to #makeit: Aaron Goldstein
Aaron has his future planned out: He’ll keep his job as co–founder and CEO of Fever Smart for a year or three, and then retire. He figures he’ll beat Collin Hill, Fever Smart’s other founder, to retirement by at least five years: “30 is the new 65,” he says dryly. At this point, Aaron spends at least 40 hours a week on his startup, but it’s paying dividends: After winning the 2015 Wharton Business Plan Competition, he got to meet Barbara Corcoran from Shark Tank. He's also extremely tall so he also #madeit over all the other Penn males.
Biggest Freshman Facebook Friender: Sara-Paige Silvestro
You've all seen her name. You all know what her profile picture was four years ago. If you haven't met this bubbly CityStep queen and Urban Studies major by now, you're missing out. There's a reason she basically won friendliest person on campus: She'll go out of her way to do something nice for anyone, has all the qualities of a Jewish grandmother (minus the guilting, plus some cannolis) and she always has a smile on her face.
Person You Wish You Knew: Kate Moelis
Despite transferring from Lehigh sophomore year, Kate—KateMo to her closest friends—is one of the most seen people on campus. She’s always up for any adventure: from visiting the Philadelphia Zoo on the weekends to running on the Schuylkill to hitting Union Transfer on a Wednesday for an Odesza concert. And she can even count Kenn Kweder among her close, personal friends. Whether she’s escorting her grandparents around a frat party, heely–ing down Locust or participating in the Urban Nutrition Initiative, she’s always bringing some excitement to any situation. She’s simply the beSDT.
Best House: The 2
What do you get when you mix SAE "daddies" (Ed. note: They requested to be called daddies…alright boys.), SDT ladies and a location in the heart of the scene and a block from Smokes’? "The 2," West Philly's premiere location for challah bread and spilled Natty. With their open door policy, delicious kitchen, chefs that rival Stephen Starr and music playlists that would put Rumor to shame, this house—with some members who’ve lived together since freshmen year—is always ready with a pre– or post–game turn up. Make sure to ask for a cup of Vitamin T when you stop by, and never feel bad about being too loud for the juniors on the third floor. Regardless of how often Campus Apartments fails to fix the heat, just know it's always hot up in The 2.
Most Likely to Wear Greek Letters After Graduation: Chris Gabos
This OAX–approved BMOC is an Italian Catholic, so everyone already knows that "Chris Gabos" is practically synonymous with "ZBT Apparel." But as a member of Omega (aka the Greekest Greeks on campus), it’s no wonder he’s proud to rep his letters. You’ve probably seen him in his Omega sweatshirt and ZBT hat, but it might surprise you to know that the hat is his only piece of ZBT apparel. Not to worry—he plans to “diversify his portfolio” of ZBT gear when he enters the “fih–nance” world and meets all those ZBT alums at BlackRock next year. He already knows that wearing letters in the real world is a clear signal to the public that you used to be the man, so this award is well deserved.
Class Clown: Penny Deans
It takes a special kind of person to have "being from Canada" not even make the top five reasons why she's funny. If you haven't met Penny, chances are your abs haven't burned with searing pain from laughing too hard at the shenanigans this MGMT100 TA, Benjamin Franklin Scholar and OAX BMOC host gets herself into. Like the time she woke up with a trashcan taped to her ceiling. Don't ask.
Most Likely to Show Up Late to Graduation: Gabriel Duemichen
Even with 200 voicemails, fifteen alarms and multiple iCal reminders, Gabe Duemichen is rarely on time. But don't mistake tardiness for laziness. This Miami–native engineer is taking the tech–world by storm with his new app, FOMO! Based on his reputation for arriving past fashionably late to parties or coding for an assignment due weeks ago, we’ll have to wait and see if he’ll make it on time to receive his diploma. Let’s just hope Amy Gutmann is willing to wait too. (Ed. note: He was too late to make it into his hall pic below.)
Most Likely to Make Out With You at Smokes': Humayra Kabir
Roses are red, violets are blue, down to DFMO? She is too. If there’s one person you’ll run into on your lap around Smokes’, she's Humayra Kabir. After a long day of slaving away in a Huntsman GSR, this Whartonite knows how to de–stress and have a good time. Make your way over to Smokes’ tonight and you just might be lucky enough to lay your lips on this SWUG like the two gents pictured (who both made out with her at Smoke's).
Cutest Couple: Myles Wolfe and David Conboy
Love can be so near and yet so far. Penn’s cutest couple met when they were both studying abroad in Shanghai during their junior year. As they became friends, this pair bonded over their love of 30 Rock, and Myles first asked David out by suggesting they watch the show together sometime. After a successful first date, the rest was history, and they’ve been together ever since. When they’re not traveling the world together, this power couple enjoys quiet weekends at Penn—sleeping in, Netflix, indulgent CVS trips and Chinese takeout. We can’t get over how cute and in love they are.
Most Likely to be on the Cover of Sports Illustrated: Noël Ostrosky
Noel might be hot, brunette and American, but she is in no way your girl next door. Maybe you met her when she was pounding whiskey-cokes downtown, or casually modeling. The worst part about her? A heart of gold to accompany those long legs and cocky smile. During the school year, she's known to give talks about health and the environment. During the summer, she's already become a big party-planner mogul in LA. If this doesn't make you totally hate her, she makes friends easily and casually spends Tuesdays discussing philosophy til 6 AM.
Most Likely to Have a Penn Building Named After Her: Naomi Biden
Her grandfather might have spoken at Penn in 2013, but this international relations major’s classmates think Naomi will make a much more permanent contribution to campus. The only question—what kind of building? A shrine to her fellow Mortar Boards? A new house for her future Tabard sisters? A deluxe phone–charging station in Huntsman? We’ll have to wait and see what’s next for Naomi. (Ed note: Naomi didn't answer our calls for a photo, so here is the only photo of her available on Creative Commons.)
Sexiest Mofos: Jeremy Cohen and Britt Gates-Kayyem
Jeremy is known for his topless photos, resemblance to Novak Djokovic and luscious eyelashes. If you don’t see this SAE hunk in Huntsman, you can catch him getting his Pottruck smoothie card stamped. Jeremy is known for making pancakes on Sunday for his roommates wearing only an apron. Upon request, he will bathe in maple syrup. We hope he pours some syrup on us before he graduates.
Britt is an OAX hottie who looks great with long or short hair and in whatever outfit she wants. Although Britt "doesn't understand why she won this superlative," she reasons that she "got it from her mama." In high school, boys only came to Britt's yard for her mom. So how did this visual studies major earn her sexiest mofo status? Well, she runs to stay fit, but really it's "body by grass." Hey Britt, if you ever want to get fit with us, we're down (unless it involves actual running).
Most Likely to Retire Before Age 30: Collin Hill
When asked why he deserved this award, Collin responded: "Thirty? I plan to retired before 25.” Collin never does anything while doing everything. How will Collin make his fortune? Maybe apps, or maybe he’ll start renting out his house to James Bond villains. Whenever he does retire, we have a few ideas post-retirement ideas for him. We suspect that Collin will move to Monte Carlo to pursue Russian oligarchy and linen shirts. Or maybe Collin will join a Turkish basketball league due to his freakish height. Or maybe Collin will be a facial hair consultant. Whatever he does, we look forward to enjoying vicariously as we live as corporate slaves.
Closest Freshman Hall: Hill 4th Floor Purple
You know how Penn says that Hill is “fun” and has a “great community?" And you know how that’s definitely bullshit? Well, according to the members of the fourth floor purple suite, being a Quad reject isn’t total social suicide. Maybe misery loves company, or maybe Hill isn’t actually the worst (Ed. note: It is.), but this freshman hall is tighter than the quarters they were forced to share their freshman year (except Eric Kaplan who left for the Quad mid–year). In fact, two couples met on the hall and are still dating—talk about finding love in a hopeless place.
Most Likely to be MVP of the GOP: Tiffany Trump
Although this young, Cali–raised Trump has been quietly holing herself in the Biomed Library for the past three and a half years, Street is in the know that this ambitious Theta senior has been visiting law schools. And let’s be real, in between Carson’s intellectual schizophrenia and Fiorina’s trademark sneer, MVP of the GOP ain’t gonna be stiff competition for her. So if her Dad’s soaring numbers say anything, this likely First Daughter will be keeping Pennsylvania in her address repertoire post–graduation. Her pre–Penn chart–topper “Like a bird” might need a Nashville re–jig, but we bank that she’ll revv up her Mom’s southern drawl and poll right through.
