Just nonsense:
To oz: you rep goons in the land of the yarmulke. Ty
To Swamp Thing: sorry about your teenie weenie
To poop: poop.
To freaky deaky: leaky peaky.
klmknmkmkmkmkmkmkm
Probably never read shoutouts:
Hey! I had really lackluster sex with you! Sorry I snored really loudly afterwards.
Fuck the skinny bitches in the quad
Egregious use of names:
Nicole, Thanks for being the best roomie ever <3 Breeze
Dear Evan Chambers, Who cares about your lonely soul? I strive towards a larger a goal. Your little life doesn't count at all. Go fall in a well. Cheers, Rebecca Logan (Ed. note: This is also about TV show and is therefore not real life.)
To Ina Garten: you da real MVP
To the Senior Ginger in Mask & Wig: I would love a cup of Joe anytime.
To Connor, Stop touching my elbow.
Not relevant:
To SPEC, how are your flash sales and sleeping with your members alike? They both only last 20 seconds.
Shout out to the $ in Kesha's name: miss you.
Everyone hates you: (Ed. note: The suspense is killing us!!!)
To my smoking hot girlfriend who sometimes questions whether her boobs have really gotten bigger. We all know they haven't but they still look great. What has gotten bigger is my love for you. You're truly the love of my life—let's have sex and watch AHS later.
Me problems:
To me: Do you homework
To me: Keep doin you. You're doin great.
To myself: Thank you for making the kinds of smart choices during your freshman year that allowed you to learn more than you ever thought you could about life, love, and fate without having any regrets. As unrecognizable as you are from the bright-eyed girl who set foot on campus in August, you have given yourself the gift of remaining wholly unchanged where it truly counts.
Stop telling us how to do our jobs:
To 34st staff: Can I put that I write for you on my resume now?
Shout out to mark for making me do shoutouts
Dear 34th Street, You don't know me. Sincerely, Credible journalism
To 34st, thank you for making me seem socially relevant by publishing my shoutout. Author's note: I'm not otherwise
To Matt Mantica: I am interested in being your girlfriend. (Ed. note: P sure he's off the market and busy running shit at the DP.)
To Shoutouts: You're basically just the mean version of Yik Yak.
To Will.i.am: did Street pay you to record that scream and shout song for shoutouts publicity?
