Illustration by Amy Chen
Oscars season is just around the corner, but don’t beat yourself up if you’re not up to date on all the latest flicks.The Oscars are a tricky business; it’s hard to remember what Meryl Streep is nominated for and what award Leonardo DiCaprio won’t win this year. Street breaks down your Oscars essentials, including what you should be rooting for, what you should be outraged about and that one plot twist that you just can’t get over.
1. Complain about Selma director Ava DuVernay’s Best Director snub. Only four women have ever been nominated for Best Director, and only one woman has ever won.WTF, Academy.
2. Reference the fact that John du Pont went to Penn and was in Zete.
Mutter something sarcastic about how the man—and murderer—didn't make Penn's notable alumni list.
3. Lament the fact that host Neil Patrick Harris was so much better on Broadway in Hedwig & the Angry Inch than in this commercialized capitalist nonsense they call the "Oscars".
4. Shamelessly root for John Legend’s “Glory” (featured in Selma) to win Best Original Song. Hey, the man’s a Quaker—and he's still allowed on campus.
5. Walk out of the room during the “Best Animated Feature” category presentation because you are so upset that The Lego Movie did not get nominated.
6. When talking about Birdman, make sure to use the term “tracking shot,” but also point out that you know the film doesn’t utilize a true tracking shot and that some CGI was used. Pretend you know what CGI is. Add that the drum soundtrack for the film was “totally dope," but not as dope as the drumming those guys do in Whiplash, which you've also totally seen.
7. Overplay your identification with Boyhood because you, like Ellar Coltrane, were born in 1994. Muse about the passage of time and your fleeting youth. Mention that the part where Mason skips his official college orientation to eat a weed brownie with some new friends is a spitting image of your frosh NSO experience.
Illustration by Amy Chen
