From the lame:
• “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a sweet potato.”
• “I have Ben and Jerry’s and Finding Nemo in my room.”
• “Is that a phone behind your back? Cause that booty is calling me.”
• “The word of the day is legs. Wanna help me spread the word?”
To the creative:
“A guy at Smokes came up to me, put his hand on my face and said, ‘Shhhhh, be verrrrrry quiet. I’m hunting wabbits’ and then bit my shoulder. The problem was he was so attractive we ended up hooking up anyways.”
To the most self–aware:
“The douchiest [frat] guy ever offered to pay for my taxi to and from the chapter house from Smokes. And to further implore me, he said, ‘Also, my room is definitely the biggest in the house, and if you’re wondering why, it’s because I used to be the president.’"
To the most direct:
“Basically, a guy came up to [this girl], smacked her ass and asked, ‘Who’s a naughty girl?’ by way of pick up line.'"
To what we’re using the next time we’re at Smokes:
“Do you have pet insurance?”
“No.”
“Ah, pets are just like human beings, they deserve insurance too. Also, too bad you don’t have it, because your pussy is getting smashed tonight.” (Ed. note: yikes.)
