1. What's your name?
  2. Oh, what summer camp did you go to?
  3. Do you know (insert name of human and repeat until Jewish geography is exhausted)?
  4. Did you go to private or public school?
  5. How many bar mitzvahs have you been to?
  6. Are you involved in Greek life?
  7. Did you and/or mommy and daddy buy your bid?
  8. If you were a member of the opposite sex, which sorority/fraternity would you be in? Or would you go GDI?
  9. Are you that person who makes out at the bar at Smokes?
  10. How long is long enough? (Ed. note: interpret as you will.)
  11. Do you like Kweder?
  12. Sober?
  13. Have you ever been MERT–ed?
  14. How many debit/credit/PennCards have you lost in the past year?
  15. Qdoba or Chipotle? Smokes’ or Blarney? Huntsman or Van Pelt?
  16. Do you know where the Taco Bell is on campus? (Ed. note: This is crucial.)
  17. Do you own a Canada Goose? What about a Frackit?
  18. Define the word “sceney.”
  19. Rank your partner on the sceney scale (1 being least sceney).
  20. Would you describe your self as pre–professional? To other people?
  21. Do you already have a job after graduation?
  22. How about a spouse?
  23. Do you know where the Kelly Writers House is?
  24. Have you peed on the Ben Franklin statue?
  25. Have you had sex under the Button?
  26. Do you want to? Right now?
  27. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever Bursared?
  28. Have you been in the Round Up? Explain.
  29. Do you know Kate from Adolf Biecker?
  30. Butt stuff? 
  31. How uncomfortable are you right now?
  32. Are you scared to walk directly across the compass?
  33. If you could say one anonymous thing to a flyer–er on Locust, what would it be?
  34. How many times have you used SEPTA, if ever?
  35. Where’s your favorite place to poop on campus?
  36. So, should we go buy our “I Met My Spouse at Penn” buttons at the bookstore now?

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