HighbrowFebruary 14, 2013 at 5:20 am

The Roundup: 2.14.13

Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day, you little suffragettes! Like most of you, Highbrow’s been ignoring the Hallmark holiday of Valentine’s Day and focusing on things that MATTER. Liz Lemon would approve. But don’t you fret, peonies, we had a little free time to scrounge up some gOsSiP. Grab your burning bras, ‘cuz we about to get feisty.

One pledge experienced some female empowerment during a scavenger hunt this past weekend when he was asked to perform an unusual task. Bringing new meaning to the term “treasure chest,” one bodacious womyn allowed the young Greek to eat a Big Mac off her bosom. Of course, no experience is complete without a shower of bacon bits for extra pleasure. Isn’t having control over your own body sexy?

As part of an ever–growing trend of puny white boys thrusting on camera, Kappa Sig has released an “Ivy League” take on what youngsters are calling the Harlem Shake. The video depicts the Squirrels being douchey while one shirtless bro, donning a panda mask, shakes what his momma (W’81) gave him. What unfolds is a Magical Mystery Tour featuring pool sticks, canes and one Mexican wrestler. Will it dethrone the Gangnam Style flashmob as Penn’s best attempt at going viral? Maybe, but one thing’s for sure: it’ll never beat “Penn’s Stepping Up.”

We briefly interrupt your Anna Howard Shaw Day for a romantic Penn moment. One brave soul bared his heart in front of Tuesday morning’s PSYC 001, when he barged into the classroom and proposed to his One and Only by shouting at her from the back of the room. Much to his dismay, the lucky girl was either not in class or too embarrassed to accept the ring. After an uncomfortable silence, the professor promised to send out the request “on Blackboard.” Here’s hoping she doesn’t check between 7–9 a.m. on Saturdays.

Move over, Magic Mike, there are a few new heartthrobs in town. Highbrow hears that two Penn basketball players were caught with their pants down in the Huntsman forum after offering a strip tease to a group of Chi O pledges. The boys must not be as impressive off the court as they are on, because the cops were called and all involved parties were interrogated. It really gives new meaning to the term “double team,” doesn’t it?

 
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By Black Panthers on February 14, 2013 at 5:20 am

“Puny white boys.” Thats racist! There are two perfectly fit African Americans in that video. They are people too!!

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