Now that Highbrow finally has its big (love you!), we’re totally ready to tackle things other than fake Facebook accounts. We might still be reeling from the whirlwind that is #biglittleweek, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have time to scrounge up some gossip for y’all.
A meeting of the minds this occurred this week outside the Women’s Center. In the midst of VagMons season, one vagina–clad sophomore was campaigning on Locust when she was met by two Tabard pledges in banana suits, who catapulted themselves toward her on scooters. What resulted was a beautiful exchange of ideas and polyester suit realness, bringing many bystanders to tears. Said the vagina in question to the bananas: “I think your costumes are a bit phallocentric.” The bananas shrugged and scooted off. #abstinence
Attention Penn students: we are in a drought! Don’t bother trying to find another TEP phone number, because Highbrow hears that Penn is experiencing a shortage of marijuana. As in, we’re out of weed. The bongs are dry. We don’t want to cause a panic, but PANIC. How will we get through midterms? How we will get through the new Mumford album? How will we cope? This is so stressful, it makes us want to smoke… BUT WE CAN’T. Stay strong, brothers, and pray for rain.
One freshman really left his mark in a Quad study lounge this past weekend. Allegedly, the boy got blackout on a blind date and, after unsuccessfully sexiling his roommate, made his way to the common room with his lady. The two proceeded to have unprotected sex (has Miss Cassandra taught you NOTHING, you stupid boy?) until finally, sensing his moment had come, the freshman pulled out and let his men swim… all over the carpet. This is one stain Bonded can’t get out.
It was just another day at the races Tuesday night at FroGro. Penn Police were called in to investigate a suspicious West Philly filly after a female customer was seen galloping through the strategically–placed diagonal aisles wearing a latex horse mask. Upon capturing the majestic beast, the city’s finest found the situation so amusing that they asked to borrow the horse mask for a photoshoot. Were there any arrests? Neigh.