HighbrowFebruary 20, 2013 at 12:00 pm

Ask Miss Cassandra: Losing Your V–Card and Improving Your Gaydar

I’m very curious about your opinion on losing your virginity, perhaps in a strange place. How about in a MERT room? Would you recommend that?

Well, this question is a mouthful (no pun intended, you vulgar child), but when it comes to losing your virginity, it really is a personal choice of where, when and with whom. More and more people are realizing that virginity isn’t the whole badge of honor that our grandmothers wore. To be frank, most people have sex in college, but that being said, if you aren’t ready to have sex you really shouldn’t… in a MERT room or anywhere else for that matter.

If you really know that you are ready and willing, Miss Cassandra urges you to move ahead. But you should realize one thing. Losing your virginity, even if you and your partner know and trust each other, can be rather tense. There are a ton of entangled limbs, maybe a little blood, unpleasant noises and pain. This might be exacerbated by being in a somewhat public space. If having sex in the MERT room is a fetish of yours, we are not one to judge, but maybe save it for the second or third time. Of course, make sure the area is clear before you go ahead. It would be rather humiliating to be caught tangled up among the stethoscopes.

I kind of like this guy I know, but I can’t tell if he’s gay too or just being nice to me. How do you tell if someone’s gay?

Ah, the Gay Dance. I know it well. Two guys catch each other’s eyes at a party and quickly look away. Maybe their hands graze for a second too long. But nevertheless, there’s always the question, “Is this guy into me? Is he even into other guys?” The added nuance of having to figure out a person’s sexuality sometimes makes gay hookups infinitely more complicated than straight ones.

There are a few tricks Miss Cassandra uses. If you’re a primo Facebook stalker, check out his Interested In section. If it says “men,” you’ve struck paydirt. But even if it’s blank and you’ve already had your suspicions, that’s oftentimes a pretty direct hint that he’s not getting it up for the big V. Personally, I like to quote “Mean Girls” and see how he reacts. If he quotes along with you, he’s a keeper.

All joking aside (and those were jokes—Miss Cassandra would never stereotype all gay men as “Mean Girls” lovers), the best solution is to just politely ask him. Ninety percent of the time you’ll just get a direct “yes” or “no.” You may get a guy who suddenly acts offended or uncomfortable at this question. In this case it’s best to just quickly apologize, although you probably have your answer now anyway.

Want to ask Miss Cassandra a question? Submit anonymously using the “Ask” box on the homepage of 34st.com. Or send any questions via e-mail to highbrow@34st.com.

 
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