Dear Miss Cassandra,
My boyfriend is always telling me that I am not “freaky” enough for him. I usually go along with what he wants to do but he wants me to come up with some ideas on my own. Any tips to keep him on his toes?
First off, everyone has the potential to get freaky. You don’t need to work at a sex shop or have gone to a Catholic school to get a little weird in the bedroom. The first thing you have to do is abandon all fear. Don’t worry about looking stupid or getting too weird; you are in control now and you are good at it and you are sexy as hell. Just keep thinking this over and over.
Now the only thing to do is get down with your new foxy self, but I know what you’re thinking: “But he wants ME to suggest things!” Creativity is hard, so Miss Cassandra will start with some helpful hints. Switching something up is a good place to start. Try a new position or a new location. Instead of waking his roommates on those silly, squeaky dorm mattresses, try the shower (just be careful to use silicon–based lube… water and oil DO NOT mix), on the table, hell, even on that gross couch he bought from that guy in SAE (maybe lay a towel down first).
Another way to get your man all hot and bothered is mess with his mind a little. Wait till you know he is in class or at work and send him an explicit text or sexy Snapchat telling him to get home soon. He will run from DRL for that, trust me. You can always get crazier from there: sex toys, public sex, threesomes, whatever. But start slow. From your question it seems like you are a little hesitant about all this. There is a fine line between wanting to please your man and not realizing your own needs. If you aren’t into something or don’t like what he’s asking for, don’t do it! Taking that power might even be “kinky” in its own way.
I’ve been hooking up with this guy for 3 or 4 months now, except by hooking up I mean I’m giving him constant blow jobs. I really like him, but he never seems to acknowledge me on the Walk… or anywhere. How do I get him to start saying hi to me, or maybe even just have regular sex with me?
This isn’t really a relationship issue and it’s not even much of a sex issue; this is a respect issue. And this guy isn’t giving you ANY. Trust me, I’ve been around the block enough times to know when a man thinks of you as nothing more than a warm mouth for when he’s horny. That doesn’t fly with me and it absolutely shouldn’t fly with you.
I’m not going to give you cute pieces of advice like “play hard to get” or “69 ways to please your man.” This isn’t Cosmo. If you want this guy to start acknowledging you and having regular sex with you, you need to demand respect from him. Not ask for it, DEMAND it. And that’s simple.
You have to be very clear on what you want. Tell him specifically: start treating me decently outside the bedroom. Stop treating me like a go–to blowjob machine. He can either agree, and great! You’re good to go. Or he can keep acting the way he’s acting, and you leave. This is not something you compromise on. Stay strong on this. I hope it works out for you.
Who the hell is Miss Cassandra?
I’m your worst fucking nightmare.
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