Overheard in McDonald’s: If I died and went to heaven… I would still be here.
Pledge 1: I have a problem with stalking people.
Pledge 2: I have a problem straddling people and making out with them.
Girl: Oh my God, you’re back! Did they un–deport you?
Girl: You’re gay, right?
Guy: No, I’m just in Elmo.
Girl: Isn’t that the same thing?
Guy on Walnut: Like, he is such a skank. He shouldn’t have any friends.