LowbrowJanuary 17, 2013 at 5:06 am

Lowbrow’s Holiday Hangover Survival Guide

Stuffed to your gills with eggnog? Missing the slopes? Stuck with a bunch of junk that your weird relatives gave you? Follow this guide to get out of the post-holiday slump and back into Penn!

HOW TO REGIFT YOUR HOLIDAY GIFTS

LES MISERABLES SOUNDTRACK
Perfect for MLK day. MLK’s not the only one who had a dream.

GIFT CARD
Regift at any day, any time, anywhere—truly the gift for all occasions.  Or don’t regift it, because gift cards are awesome. (THIS MESSAGE WAS PAID FOR BY GIFT CARDS FOR AMERICA: GIFT CARDS, THE EVERYTIME GIFT).

BEDAZZLED WOOL SWEATER
Great Aunt Mildred’s been eyeing up that Urban Outfitters sequined sweater you receive ironically, and her 81st is right around the corner.

A BAGEL WITH CREAM CHEESE
C’mon? Who gave you a bagel? Do you live in a family of squirrels?

A TELESCOPE
What better way to celebrate Columbus Day? Chris dumped all of his trash on the New World, why not dump your trash on a new friend?

ANYTHING YOU THINK CAN’T BE REGIFTED
You can always just make it into a joke on April Fool’s Day!

SOMETHING CHEAP
Regift on Cinco De Mayo, when the recipient will be too drunk to understand what the gift is.

HOW TO REUSE YOUR HOLIDAY DECORATIONS FOR 99% OF THE YEAR

HANUKKAH

 

 

 

 

MENORAH
Before: Celebrate the miracle of lights with a gorgeous menorah!
After: Mount the menorah on the wall and hang your coats on it!

DREIDEL
Before: During Hanukkah the dreidel can be used as a fun—or, let’s be real, really boring—game for children to play to win Hanukkah gelt!
After: Dress up like Leonardo Dicaprio from “Inception” for Halloween and use the dreidel as your totem.

CHRISTMAS

 

CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS
Before: Ornaments look so cute on your tree!
After: Break them in half and then use them as cups!

 

CHRISTMAS STOCKINGS
Before: Hang them on the fireplace and put small gifts in them!
After: Give them to a giant so he can use them as socks.

CHRISTMAS TREE
Before: Put it up, decorate it and put presents under it!
After: Set it on fire and host a pyrotechnics show for the children in your neighborhood.

NATIVITY SCENE
Before: Use these figurines of the birth of Jesus to show your love of Christmas.
After: Put football paraphernalia of your favorite team on the figurines and stack them into a pyramid for Super Bowl season.

KWANZAA
UNITY CUP

Before: The Kwanzaa Unity Cup is a staple at any Kwanzaa celebration.

After: With some rhinestones and some glue you can turn your Unity Cup into a Getting Crunk Cup. Banker’s tastes better when it’s coming out of a Crunk Cup.

 
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