LowbrowJanuary 17, 2013 at 5:18 am

How To Survive January Fog

Have you seen the weather? Have you seen how foggy it is? Are you thinking of jumping ship to warmer pastures? Don’t! Just follow the simple guide below.

DO:

1. Buy a happy lamp.
2. Pretend you’re on a ship in “The Pirates of the Carribean” and Jack Sparrow is your boyfriend.
3. Pretend that the reason it’s so foggy is because you’re on a plane, and those are clouds, and you’re flying to Aruba.

4. Tell yourself you are at a rave with a fog machine.
5. Act as though all of the fog is smoke and that the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland is smoking a lot of hookah some place nearby.

6. Pretend you’re a wizard.
7. Wear bright colors.

DON’T:
1. Think about the second Hunger Games book where there is poisonous fog.
2. Think about World War I.
3. Think about the Loch Ness monster.
4. Think about Jack the Ripper and the Streets of London.
5. Walk into a building.
6. Walk into the Schuylkill.
7. Walk into a moving car.
8. Dress in all white.

 
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