HighbrowJanuary 23, 2013 at 12:00 pm

Ask Miss Cassandra: Kinky Sex and Raunchy Texts

Dear Miss Cassandra,

My boyfriend and I have been together since high school and I was wondering if there were any ways to spice up our love life without spending too much money or seeming too kinky?

Couples who have been together for a long time often find the need to experiment.  A great way to do this is with “sex toys.” Now, don’t get scared. The phrase “sex toys” can intimidate a lot of young couples, but they don’t necessarily have to include a sex dungeon complete with hundreds of dollars of leather and bad intentions. Some of the best sexual props you already own! Now how about that for “not too much money?”

Ice so sexy girl

A scarf or bandana is versatile and inexpensive way to have your man get a little (tongue-) tied, and with this mild of a winter, it’s not like you’re using them for anything else. If even scarfs are a little too Fifty Shades of Crazy for you, try ice, the kind you probably already have sitting unused in your mini-fridge or frat house basement. Ice’s cold sensation can heat up any sexy situation. For those who aren’t looking to get too wet, a cold spoon is just as fun. For the adventurous, popsicles can also make your ice experience sweeter Just make to shower well afterwards — no one wants sweet and sticky remains in any sensitive crevices.

Just remember the universal rule of sex toys and props: keep them clean and sanitary, especially if you are using them on multiple people.

 

Dear Miss Cassandra,

I have been talking to this guy who lives in New York and I have been thinking about sexting him. Is it a good idea? 

While sexting may not make the local ten o’clock news with headlines like “What are your teens doing on their Motorola Razrs?” anymore, sexting is still a very real phenomenon to many tech-savvy and horny young people. This being said, the average sexter is no modern day Shakespeare. Sexting can be awkward and even downright unattractive if not done correctly. Luckily, Miss Cassandra is a veteran and has some tips for fledgling electronic–erotica writers.

A good sext should seem fun and flirtatious, not creepy. Because there is no audible voice in texts, something that could have been hot whispered into some one’s ear, can seem serial killer–y on a flashing screen. For example, “I’m going to tear you apart ;].” Trust me: the winky face doesn’t make you sound any less like a violent stalker.  Sex has a funny way of making things that are absolute no-nos in day-to-day life sexy and fun. Calling your boyfriend “Daddy” would be super awkward in the grocery storeand probably evoke some deep-seeded issuesbut in bed no one is going to say you need a therapist. Sexting does not always have the same rules. Because there is no actual friction in the world of iMessage, there is nothing to distract your partner from wondering how you would “ride him like a little pony.” Let’s just hope you don’t mention a bridle.

Another rookie sexting mistake is this generation’s love affair with bad grammar. While it is an inevitable faux pas for drunken Facebook statuses, they do not belong in your sexts. Texting the cutie in your writing seminar “OMG ur sooo hawt i wnna kiss ur intire body! ;]” is not attractive. I’m not saying you have to be the next Yeats, but any poetry can be lost in a sea of misspellings and abbreviations.

 

Send your questions to Miss Cassandra by emailing highbrow@34st.com or submit anonymously through the submission box on the home page of 34st.com.

 
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