HighbrowNovember 15, 2012 at 5:51 am

Word on the Street: In Search of Tanya

I’m hopeful every self–respecting senior has, as I do, a bucket list.  I have neither the space nor chutzpah to enumerate my personal bucket list here.  For those who don’t have one, take comfort in knowing that mine is too long and mostly impossible and any points of completion will surely offer little solace when it actually comes time to graduate.  In thinking about how best to utilize this column to cross something off my bucket list, however, I would like to issue a formal search warrant for my apparent doppelgänger, Tanya.

If it wasn’t necessary to the comprehension of this story, I would hide the fact that I frequent Einstein’s pretty regularly. Again, I’m not proud, but I easily average two–and–a–half bagels per week. And after years of refusing to try it, I’ve recently become keen on cream cheese, which only ups my count.

The employees at Einstein’s definitely know me…but usually as Tanya.  They take my order (sesame bagel, cream cheese on the side, coffee) and follow it with “Thanks, Tanya. Coming right up.”  I don’t want to disappoint them, so sometimes I just oblige.  The trouble comes when I know someone in line; I feel obligated to correct the mistaken soul taking my order, and the following set of accusations almost always ensues:  “You’re not Tanya? You look just like Tanya!  Jenny, come over here.  Doesn’t she look just like Tanya?”

Tanya might like this kind of attention, but I usually just want my bagel.

I can’t help but wonder about Tanya. What does she order? Does she also like her cream cheese on the side? Does she use PennCash, bursar or neither? My questions have remained entirely unanswered. This is mostly because there are 87 Tanyas in the Penn Directory, which I find incredibly surprising since I’ve never met a Tanya in my life.  I also find it surprising that, given both my undeniable and her apparent propensity for Einstein’s, we haven’t yet run into each other in line.

So, Tanya, if you’re out there, and if you’re reading this (possibly while eating a bagel, as I am wont to do), won’t you please get in touch with me?  You’d make all my deepest bucket list wishes come true. And Tanya, I feel a kinship with you, so we can be real here: this one’s a lot easier to cross off my list than, say, hooking up with my TA. From what I can tell, he doesn’t even eat carbs.

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