EgoNovember 8, 2012 at 5:48 am

The More You Know-Vember

Think your November will be different from last year's? Think again.

Oct. 31st– Get in a close shave, like you always do, every morning. But this time, it’s your last. Time to commit to No–Shave November

Nov. 1st– Notice that Starbucks has broken out the holiday cups; decide to boycott until they become seasonally appropriate.

Nov. 2nd– Scratch at your full stubble beard. It feels like a porcupine is taking gross liberties with your face.

Nov. 5th– Go to class.

Nov. 7th– Drink from a holiday Starbucks cup. Covertly.

Nov. 9th– Begin humming Christmas music in the shower. Quietly. Yes, your voice sounds like you’re the lovechild of Justin Timberlake and Whitney Houston. Too soon.

Nov. 10th– Cute girl at Smoke’s tells you she’s turned on by facial hair. Ignore all the other signs hinting at her unresolved daddy issues.

Nov. 12th– Go to class 10 minutes late because you couldn’t bring yourself to get out of your warm bed.

Nov. 14th– Start listening to holiday music on your iPod. Disguise it by putting some obscure indie band as the cover art so as not to be discovered.

Nov. 15th– Drink from a holiday Starbucks cup, and when someone catches you, make an ironic, self–effacing comment about your subscription to the rampant commercialization of the Christmas season.

Nov. 17th– The barista at Starbucks says you look like Eric Bana in “Troy.” Google him immediately.

Nov. 18th– Begin playing holiday music in your room. Claim that you’re just being ironic.

Nov. 19th– Stop lying.

Nov. 20th– Skip class altogether and stay inside drinking hot chocolate and making a fort out of pillows and blankets.

Nov. 21st– Your Mom says your beard makes you look like a mean hobo. Your Dad just chuckles condescendingly from behind his majestic, salt–and–pepper lumberjack beard. You shave in shame.

Nov. 22nd– Start belting out your best impression of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” anywhere you deem socially acceptable.

Nov. 23rd– Drink triumphantly from a holiday Starbucks cup. Tell ALL your friends how excited you are for Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/sharing all of the holiday joy in your bursting heart.

Nov. 26th– Cute girl from Smoke’s forsakes you and your clean–shaven face. You deserved it.

Nov. 29th– Holiday–themed karaoke. Bonus points if you irritate everyone in your building by going dorm caroling.

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