Rock the Vote

Reasons we’re voting for Obama:
• His deadpan sass rivals that of any Without A Net–er.
• Dude can ball.
• He admits to trying drugs without any of that “but I didn’t inhale” BS.
• He slow–jammed the news with Jimmy Fallon and danced with Ellen.
• Michelle Obama. Enough said.
• Bo Obama is probably the most adorable first pet ever.

Reasons we’re voting for Romney:
• He has a basketball team of children.
• His name backwards spells Wharton.
• His hair looks like it could single–handedly fix the economy.
• The man clearly knows how to SABS.
• When we hear Bain Capital, all we can think of is Romney whispering, “When your assets are ashes, you have my permission to default.”

Reasons we’re not voting for Obama:
• He’s too clingy; more emails a week than Career Services.
• He just seems kind of tired all the time.
• He confessed to eating doggie meat once as a kid.
• He already had a turn. Sharing is caring.

Reasons we’re not voting for Romney:
• He strapped his dog to the roof of his car. But, actually.
• He was DEFINITELY a huge douche in high school.
• He would’ve been in A’s.
• He might be a robot who is going to take over the world.